1
00:00:32,048 --> 00:00:33,447
CARMINE:
Holy Mary, Mother of God...

2
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,914
...pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.

3
00:00:36,886 --> 00:00:38,080
Amen.

4
00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:41,382
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.

5
00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:45,050
Blessed art thou among women and...

6
00:00:45,562 --> 00:00:47,826
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.

7
00:00:47,997 --> 00:00:50,727
Blessed art thou.
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

8
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:54,461
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners in our death.

9
00:00:59,943 --> 00:01:03,140
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.

10
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,043
Blessed art thou among women.

11
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,808
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with
thee. Blessed art thou among women...

12
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,385
[SPRAYS]

13
00:01:19,129 --> 00:01:20,426
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]

14
00:01:25,201 --> 00:01:28,500
I wanna go back to Cleveland.

15
00:01:29,706 --> 00:01:31,606
PROCLO: Your grandfather
is very sick, sweetheart.

16
00:01:31,775 --> 00:01:34,175
Papa!

17
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,711
Viv, don't. Please, viv.

18
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,941
- Daddy.
- Yes, angel?

19
00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:42,914
Who are all these people?

20
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,644
PROCLO:
Your relatives, sweetheart.

21
00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:46,345
GILDA:
I don't like them.

22
00:01:49,292 --> 00:01:50,520
[DOOR OPENS]

23
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:56,687
Carmine.

24
00:01:57,567 --> 00:01:58,556
Vivian.

25
00:01:58,735 --> 00:01:59,724
<i>Vieni qua.</i>

26
00:01:59,903 --> 00:02:01,666
VIVIAN:
No!

27
00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:07,932
Vivian.

28
00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:10,136
VIVIAN: Speak to us, Papa.
CARMINE: Give us your blessing.

29
00:02:10,313 --> 00:02:11,405
Vivian.

30
00:02:11,581 --> 00:02:12,775
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

31
00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,917
Oh, yes, Papa.

32
00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:17,046
Get Proclo.

33
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,812
VIVIAN:
Get Proclo, Papa?

34
00:02:18,988 --> 00:02:22,355
Yes, Papa. He's just outside.
I'll bring him in for your blessing.

35
00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:25,319
Oh, Papa, he'll be so pleased.

36
00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:27,793
He thought you hated him
all these years.

37
00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:29,090
Oh, Papa.

38
00:02:29,265 --> 00:02:30,994
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

39
00:02:32,368 --> 00:02:34,598
- Carmine.
- Yes, Papa. I'm here, Papa.

40
00:02:35,805 --> 00:02:37,295
Get Proclo.

41
00:02:37,473 --> 00:02:39,134
Get Proclo, Papa?

42
00:02:39,309 --> 00:02:41,334
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

43
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:44,379
Kill him. Kill the son of a bitch.

44
00:02:44,547 --> 00:02:46,276
Papa, he's my husband.

45
00:02:46,816 --> 00:02:48,477
Get Proclo.

46
00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:50,141
[CoUGHING]

47
00:02:53,623 --> 00:02:55,887
- Papa!
- Aah!

48
00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:58,156
[PEOPLE SCREAMING
AND DoG BARKING]

49
00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:09,996
Get Proclo?

50
00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:17,973
[CHURCH BELLS CHIMING]

51
00:04:38,661 --> 00:04:42,153
That's 219 coming up, 219.

52
00:04:42,332 --> 00:04:43,993
BEN: Good evening.
- Yeah.

53
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:45,532
BEN: Nasty night.
- Is it?

54
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:47,061
I'm one big puddle.

55
00:04:47,236 --> 00:04:49,602
Well, watch where you're dripping,
I just mopped.

56
00:04:49,772 --> 00:04:51,637
Sorry. I'd like a room, please.

57
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:54,402
Sure you would.
So you can go drip in there.

58
00:04:54,577 --> 00:04:56,408
Ten bucks.
You sign the registration.

59
00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:59,013
- I'll check your valuables.
BEN: I know.

60
00:05:07,523 --> 00:05:08,990
You're dripping.

61
00:05:09,158 --> 00:05:11,558
- What?
- I said, "You're dripping."

62
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,754
Well, of course I'm dripping.
It's pouring out there.

63
00:05:14,931 --> 00:05:18,367
Well, try not to.
They don't like you dripping here.

64
00:05:19,035 --> 00:05:20,297
Thank you.

65
00:05:22,772 --> 00:05:23,761
See you.

66
00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:27,037
- Hope not.
- That's 416, coming up.

67
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:29,804
- That is 416.
- Well, that's a good floor for that one.

68
00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:31,344
Nobody ever goes up there.

69
00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:33,778
Well, look who's back.
Hello, stranger.

70
00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:35,747
Hello, Abe.

71
00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,119
Oh, no.

72
00:05:48,297 --> 00:05:51,494
- I thought you'd sworn off this place.
- Well, I thought I had too.

73
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,897
ABE:
You got homesick for us, right?

74
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:56,664
Didn't have much choice.
Been barred from the Atheneum.

75
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,864
ABE: Come on. Nobody gets
barred from the Atheneum.

76
00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:00,168
How did you manage that?

77
00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:04,143
- Well, there was this man there...
- A fat man, right?

78
00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:05,439
Fat?

79
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,981
He was the Magic Mountain.

80
00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:11,985
He drove me into one of my frenzies.
I went berserk and kicked his door open.

81
00:06:12,155 --> 00:06:14,419
So they threw me out,
told me never to come back.

82
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:17,821
I was willing to pay for it.
I just wanted to talk. You know how I am.

83
00:06:18,594 --> 00:06:21,961
- Hey, you wanna check that?
- Oh, no, no. That's my costume.

84
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,897
I'm entered in a talent contest tonight.
It's good to be back, Abe.

85
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:29,163
I feel strangely optimistic
about this evening.

86
00:06:29,338 --> 00:06:32,796
- Yeah, well, don't kick any doors in.
- I hope I don't have to.

87
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:36,439
Driver, I left my money.
Will you wait? I'll be right back.

88
00:06:44,587 --> 00:06:47,784
320 coming up. That is 320.

89
00:06:47,957 --> 00:06:49,424
- I'd...
- Good evening, I wonder...

90
00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:51,287
There's a line, buddy.

91
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:54,123
CHUCK: There's a line.
- Surely.

92
00:06:54,297 --> 00:06:57,323
I'd prefer something on 3.

93
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:02,460
Did they ever put you on 4?
It's Siberia up there.

94
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:04,995
Thank you.

95
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:11,340
That's 421 coming up. That is 421.

96
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:18,385
Hey, can you...? Could...? Could...?
Could you...?

97
00:07:18,554 --> 00:07:21,751
Can you cash a check for me?
It's on ohio State National.

98
00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:23,653
What do I look like, a teller?

99
00:07:23,826 --> 00:07:26,386
You don't understand.
I got a cab waiting. I'll be back.

100
00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:27,824
I am planning to come here.

101
00:07:27,997 --> 00:07:31,330
That's why I got a cab to go
somewhere and stay. I've come, see?

102
00:07:31,501 --> 00:07:32,798
ABE:
You got a credit card?

103
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,800
PROCLO: Right here, yeah.
- I can take that.

104
00:07:34,971 --> 00:07:35,995
Yeah, well, he can't.

105
00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:37,161
[HoRN HoNKING]

106
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:39,570
You hear that? That's him.

107
00:07:42,111 --> 00:07:44,443
Look, I got all the identification
in the world.

108
00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:47,674
Blue Cross, Rotary Club,
driver's license.

109
00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,977
Here. Here's my business card.

110
00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:53,054
"Proclo Sanitation Services,
Gaetano Proclo, president."

111
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,211
That's me.

112
00:07:55,925 --> 00:07:57,517
- I'm sorry.
PROCLO: Oh, come on.

113
00:07:57,693 --> 00:08:01,493
Do I look like someone
who would try to pass a bad check?

114
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:03,663
Yeah.

115
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:06,734
Yeah, of course I do.

116
00:08:09,338 --> 00:08:10,464
Now can you see me?

117
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,441
Everything else is real.

118
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:24,579
Who are you running from?

119
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:28,053
My maniac brother-in-law who's gonna
kill me tonight if he can find me.

120
00:08:28,224 --> 00:08:30,818
You're looking at a potential dead man.
I'm begging you.

121
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:32,585
It's a matter of life and death.

122
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,491
CHRIS:
Hey, all right.

123
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:37,092
- Does anybody have a cab waiting?
PROCLO: What?

124
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,858
- Is that your cab out there?
PROCLO: Yeah.

125
00:08:39,035 --> 00:08:41,333
You've also got
one very pissed off driver.

126
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:42,630
PROCLO:
How pissed off is he?

127
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:44,602
On a 10 scale, 10.

128
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:45,763
Darn it.

129
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,375
Please!

130
00:08:47,543 --> 00:08:50,512
Well, I really shouldn't
be doing this, but...

131
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,307
- You're a good man...?
- Abe.

132
00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:53,470
Abe.

133
00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:57,585
Abe, I'm gonna have a novena said
for you when I get back to Cleveland.

134
00:08:57,753 --> 00:08:59,914
- What's your last name? Abe what?
- Leftkowitz.

135
00:09:02,258 --> 00:09:04,749
I'll still have a novena said for you
when I get back.

136
00:09:04,927 --> 00:09:06,360
Thank you. Excuse me.

137
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:07,791
[HoRN HoNKING]

138
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,394
I had a novena said for me once.

139
00:09:10,566 --> 00:09:12,864
- I asked to wake up gorgeous.
ABE: So, what happened?

140
00:09:13,035 --> 00:09:14,024
Well, look at me.

141
00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:15,192
[CHUCKLING]

142
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,635
- Hey, Chris, you wanna sign in?
- You bet I will.

143
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,265
- How is that gorgeous son of yours?
- You're too late, he's getting married.

144
00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:24,174
- Terrific. You give him my love, will you?
- Sure thing.

145
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:26,975
- He need someone to practice with?
- He's been practicing.

146
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,140
- That's why he has to get married.
- Yeah.

147
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,287
Well, compared to me, Abe,
she would have to be an amateur.

148
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:34,781
Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.

149
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:37,951
Oh, you know he used to be lovers
with John wayne.

150
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,116
ABE:
Sure he did.

151
00:09:39,295 --> 00:09:41,855
Right after he broke up
with Xavier Cugat.

152
00:09:42,031 --> 00:09:43,965
People like you think the world
is queer.

153
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,124
Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.

154
00:09:47,203 --> 00:09:48,727
[CAB DRIvER LAUGHING]

155
00:09:48,904 --> 00:09:50,371
All right.

156
00:09:50,539 --> 00:09:53,030
CAB DRIvER:
Change a 10.

157
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:56,874
He can't change a 10. Do you believe it?

158
00:09:57,046 --> 00:10:01,779
New York City, one of the great cities of the
world. This driver I have can't change a 10.

159
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:04,442
Hey, did I ever have you?

160
00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:07,688
- What?
- I've got a rotten memory that way.

161
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,257
- You never used to live in Rego Park?
- No.

162
00:10:10,426 --> 00:10:12,656
CHRIS: You look like someone
I knew from Rego Park.

163
00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:15,160
PROCLO: I'm afraid not.
CHRIS: He was a large man like you.

164
00:10:15,331 --> 00:10:16,958
He was in ladies shoes, I remember.

165
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,897
Well, I'm from Cleveland
and I'm in refuse. Excuse me.

166
00:10:20,069 --> 00:10:22,003
CHRIS:
I guess not, then. Sorry.

167
00:10:22,171 --> 00:10:23,729
PROCLO:
Perfectly all right.

168
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,003
A gay garbage man?

169
00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:30,543
You never can tell.

170
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:33,511
That's so true. I mean, look at me.

171
00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:36,379
If you just saw me walking down the street
you'd think I was a queen.

172
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,042
[WHISTLE BLowlNG]

173
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,381
Try to hold out, men. Help is on the way!

174
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:44,684
340 coming up. That is 340.

175
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:47,658
She's here, boys.

176
00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:03,903
[IN HIGH volCE]
I'd like a room, please.

177
00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:10,245
One of your private rooms.
How much is that?

178
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,319
ABE: You want what?
- A room.

179
00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:15,286
- I was told you had private rooms?
- Yeah, we got rooms.

180
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,756
Well, then I'd like one, sir.
How much is that?

181
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,053
How long?

182
00:11:20,196 --> 00:11:22,460
- Is what?
- How long do you want the room for?

183
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,927
Three or four hours should be sufficient
for my purposes.

184
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,798
I don't care what your purposes are.
Twelve is our minimum.

185
00:11:28,971 --> 00:11:31,997
- All right, 12 then, sir.
- All right, that's 10 bucks.

186
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:35,234
You check your valuables
and sign the register.

187
00:12:00,102 --> 00:12:02,002
Tell me something.

188
00:12:02,171 --> 00:12:04,105
Has a...

189
00:12:04,273 --> 00:12:07,470
Balding, middle-aged, fat man
come in here recently?

190
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:10,771
I don't believe
what just came in here recently.

191
00:12:10,946 --> 00:12:12,880
You're not a cop, are you?

192
00:12:13,048 --> 00:12:14,072
I'm a detective.

193
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,447
Michael Brick, the Greybar Agency.

194
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:20,477
What do I do now?

195
00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:22,815
Through there and up the stairs.

196
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,961
- Someone will show you your room.
- Thank you, sir.

197
00:12:27,029 --> 00:12:31,489
- And let me give you a little tip, Brick.
- Yes, sir?

198
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,532
Stay out of the steam room.

199
00:12:33,702 --> 00:12:35,727
- Why, sir?
- It gets pretty wild in there.

200
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:37,395
Oh, I can take it, sir.

201
00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:40,007
In my line of work,
I get to do a lot of wild things.

202
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,939
This is my first seduction job.

203
00:12:42,111 --> 00:12:44,739
- Wish me luck.
- With that voice you gonna need it.

204
00:12:58,627 --> 00:13:01,994
Save your money. Ten bucks for this place
is 10 bucks for nothing.

205
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,157
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH]

206
00:13:15,678 --> 00:13:17,612
No rain, he tells me.

207
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,372
No rain, he says.

208
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,140
No rain.

209
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:22,978
Fucking weatherman.

210
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:25,177
That little <i>maric�n</i>.

211
00:13:25,354 --> 00:13:28,790
One spot on this dress and I am finished.

212
00:13:28,958 --> 00:13:31,586
The biggest night of my life,
it's pissing dogs and cats.

213
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,751
That's cats and dogs.

214
00:13:36,832 --> 00:13:38,925
Are you a producer?

215
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:40,864
No.

216
00:13:41,537 --> 00:13:43,698
Are you sure?

217
00:13:44,139 --> 00:13:45,606
- Yes.
- Oh.

218
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,742
That's okay. You never know, huh?

219
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,435
[SCREAMS THEN
CHATTERING IN SPANISH]

220
00:13:51,113 --> 00:13:53,911
My hair. Not my hairs.

221
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:58,315
All right. Go ahead, say it.
No, it's okay, I can take it.

222
00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:00,455
Tell me I look like shit.

223
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:06,122
Why would I say something like that
to such an attractive young lady?

224
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:11,756
You boys really know how to cheer up a girl
when she's down in the dump.

225
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:16,333
My boyfriend Hector see me do that,
he killed you with a knife this big.

226
00:14:17,373 --> 00:14:19,568
He hates <i>maric�nes</i>, that Hector.

227
00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:22,677
It's okay.
He's a ball-breaker with me too, mister.

228
00:14:22,845 --> 00:14:24,574
But I'm going to show them, <i>chico</i>.

229
00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:28,774
And tonight is the night
I'm going to do it.

230
00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:31,812
I heard on the grapevine...

231
00:14:31,987 --> 00:14:34,751
...there's going to be a big producer
out in the front...

232
00:14:34,924 --> 00:14:39,156
...watching your show tonight. Unquote.

233
00:14:39,328 --> 00:14:43,094
Some day you're going to see
the name of Googie Gomez in lights.

234
00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,426
And you are gonna say to yourself:

235
00:14:45,601 --> 00:14:46,693
"Was that her?"

236
00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:49,394
And then you gonna answer to yourself:

237
00:14:49,572 --> 00:14:50,766
"That was her."

238
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:55,343
But you know something, mister?
I was always her, just nobody knows it.

239
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,482
- Who the hell was that?
- Googie.

240
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,643
- I thought this is a bathhouse.
ABE: It is.

241
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,686
- No, I mean, a male bathhouse.
- It is.

242
00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:11,519
- What she doing in here?
- Googie sings in The Pits.

243
00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:14,623
The pits? What pits?

244
00:15:14,797 --> 00:15:17,459
- The nightclub.
- You got a nightclub in there?

245
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:20,898
We got nightclub, movies, swimming
pool, steam room, massage table...

246
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:25,166
...discoth�que, bridge, amateur night
and free blood tests every wednesday.

247
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,165
ABE:
How did it go today, Mo?

248
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,538
Eh.

249
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,245
[SIGHS]

250
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,041
Oh, boy. I don't wanna
even think what she does.

251
00:15:36,218 --> 00:15:38,209
Mo is just our accountant.

252
00:15:38,387 --> 00:15:40,651
When I couldn't get a plane,
I told the cab...

253
00:15:40,823 --> 00:15:43,587
...to bring me to the last place
Carmine would look for me.

254
00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:46,353
You found it.
Now, you put your valuables in there.

255
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,325
- And you sign the book.
- Thank you.

256
00:15:48,497 --> 00:15:50,761
Except everybody in the world's
already in there.

257
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:53,493
- I need calm, safety, privacy tonight.
ABE: All right.

258
00:15:53,669 --> 00:15:55,728
Keep your door locked
and stay in your room.

259
00:15:55,904 --> 00:15:58,202
Don't worry, I will.

260
00:16:00,309 --> 00:16:02,334
"Ronald Reagan"?

261
00:16:02,511 --> 00:16:06,379
ABE: You can write John Doe for all I care.
- Any name at all?

262
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,517
Abe, I'm gonna talk to the pope
about getting you canonized.

263
00:16:11,086 --> 00:16:14,487
"Carmine vespucci.

264
00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:16,625
Bensonhurst...

265
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:17,986
...Brooklyn."

266
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,184
Who's that?

267
00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:22,057
My maniac brother-in-law.
He was gonna kill me tonight.

268
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,722
- What did you do?
- I got born and married his sister.

269
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,562
Listen, do you mind
if I ask you a personal question?

270
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,528
The man who save my life
can ask me anything at all.

271
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:33,573
- You ever been in a place like this?
- Oh, sure.

272
00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:38,640
We got a Jack De Lane's in Cleveland.

273
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,754
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

274
00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:54,054
ABE [o vER P.A.]: <i>210 coming up.</i>
<i>That's 210. Tiger, make sure it's c</i>/<i>ean.</i>

275
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:02,597
Hey, where's room 210?

276
00:17:03,338 --> 00:17:06,501
- It's up there.
- Thank you.

277
00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:14,310
[GASPING]

278
00:17:22,825 --> 00:17:23,917
Hello there.

279
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:25,951
Hello.

280
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:28,796
What seems to be the trouble?

281
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,955
Well, I'm looking for room 210.

282
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,431
Oh, well,
you just come right along with me.

283
00:17:33,602 --> 00:17:35,502
Thank you very much.

284
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,466
It's there.

285
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:47,638
There will be an orgy beginning
in room 340 in exactly four minutes.

286
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:51,115
Orgy in 340, four minutes.

287
00:17:54,723 --> 00:17:57,783
I couldn't resist
taking this panettone back with me.

288
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,794
I just love panettone
and you can't get this brand in Cleveland.

289
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:03,932
Do you like panettone?

290
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,929
- It's right here.
- Oh, thank you.

291
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:19,475
Uh...

292
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,338
Uh...

293
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,509
This doesn't look like room 210.
See, there are clothes here.

294
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,917
You'll never guess what I made for dinner
so I'm going to tell you.

295
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,651
- I beg your pardon?
- A nice, rich, ground-pork meatloaf...

296
00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:36,730
...with mozzarella cheese center, gobs
of mashed potatoes swimming in gravy...

297
00:18:36,899 --> 00:18:41,563
...carrots floating in butter and for a salad,
avocado chunks with Roquefort dressing.

298
00:18:41,737 --> 00:18:42,999
Could you just die?

299
00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:44,799
I could just...

300
00:18:44,973 --> 00:18:47,806
- I don't know what I could...
- Then, Dutch chocolate cake...

301
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:50,171
...with big scoops of mocha walnut
ice cream...

302
00:18:50,345 --> 00:18:52,472
...and a fudge malted.
- It sounds delicious.

303
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,809
- You could have been there.
- I was in Brooklyn.

304
00:18:54,983 --> 00:18:56,974
- Lf you'll excuse me.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.

305
00:18:57,152 --> 00:18:59,586
How about an �clair?
Some homemade brownies? I know.

306
00:18:59,755 --> 00:19:02,849
- A corned beef on rye with a nice dill pickle.
- No, really, I'm not hungry.

307
00:19:03,025 --> 00:19:04,185
[CLAUDE SQUEALS]

308
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,088
How much do you weigh?

309
00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:07,558
- What?
- What is your weight?

310
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:09,321
- Two-ten, 220?
- Two-twenty.

311
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:11,159
Two-twenty.

312
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,665
Jellyroll baby.

313
00:19:13,836 --> 00:19:17,237
- You're my jellyroll man.
- I think there's some confusion here.

314
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,706
Jellyroll cupcake,
I'm your jellyroll fan.

315
00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:24,471
In fact, I know
there is some confusion here.

316
00:19:24,646 --> 00:19:26,011
Stop. You're hurting me.

317
00:19:26,181 --> 00:19:28,274
I'm hurting you?

318
00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,680
Help. Help. Help.

319
00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:32,912
[CLAUDE SQUEALING]

320
00:19:33,155 --> 00:19:36,056
All right, fat man,
leave the little guy alone.

321
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:39,058
Come. Aren't you supposed to be
in 210?

322
00:19:39,228 --> 00:19:41,696
You get up there
and don't cause any more trouble.

323
00:19:41,864 --> 00:19:45,322
What do you think this is,
the YMCA?

324
00:19:46,235 --> 00:19:48,703
Listen, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

325
00:19:48,871 --> 00:19:49,997
Oh.

326
00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:51,434
Well, I certainly hope not.

327
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:07,052
Hello.

328
00:20:08,390 --> 00:20:11,086
Boy, I had
quite a little experience in there.

329
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:13,558
That guy's got quite a problem.

330
00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:17,460
People like that shouldn't be allowed
in a place like this, you know.

331
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,133
My, what unusual pants.

332
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,470
They look like cowboy chaps.

333
00:20:30,779 --> 00:20:32,110
They are cowboy chaps.

334
00:20:36,351 --> 00:20:40,048
Yeah, I was just thinking
I thought they looked like cowboy chaps.

335
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:47,659
Well, if you gentlemen will excuse me,
I'd like to get out of these clothes.

336
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,526
Goodbye, it was nice talking to you.

337
00:20:59,374 --> 00:21:00,932
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

338
00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,743
BRICK:
Hello.

339
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,682
Mr. Vespucci?

340
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:12,376
My name is Michael Brick.

341
00:21:12,554 --> 00:21:14,715
I'm with the Greybar Detective Agency.

342
00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:16,983
You hired my partner
a couple of hours ago...

343
00:21:17,159 --> 00:21:20,253
...to get something
on a Mr. Gaetano Proclo tonight.

344
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:22,761
Only my partner's sick,
so I'm taking over for him.

345
00:21:23,465 --> 00:21:26,901
Now, I believe you said
we'd find him at the Ritz.

346
00:21:27,069 --> 00:21:28,696
I just got here.

347
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:32,169
Now, what exactly did you want me
to get on him, sir?

348
00:21:32,341 --> 00:21:35,367
All I need is a room number
with you and him in it.

349
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:39,002
That sounds easy enough, sir.
Let me see if I've got his description right.

350
00:21:39,181 --> 00:21:42,742
A balding, middle-aged fat man.

351
00:21:42,918 --> 00:21:47,048
That's not much to go on, Mr. Vespucci.
But I'll do my best.

352
00:21:50,158 --> 00:21:53,616
One of those transvestites is standing
right next to me. I'll have to...

353
00:21:53,795 --> 00:21:55,194
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

354
00:21:56,298 --> 00:21:57,424
I can't talk now.

355
00:21:57,599 --> 00:22:00,796
I think he's surrounding me
for unnatural things.

356
00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:08,509
Hey, <i>chico</i>, I was just going talk to you.

357
00:22:09,378 --> 00:22:11,346
Hello, boys. Is he here yet?

358
00:22:11,513 --> 00:22:12,912
- Who?
- Who?

359
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,207
What did you mean who?

360
00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:17,250
There is only one "who" I'm interested
in you telling me about.

361
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:21,048
Listen, Tiger, you told me there was
going to be a big producer here tonight.

362
00:22:21,223 --> 00:22:24,454
I dress special. I do the hairs special.

363
00:22:24,626 --> 00:22:29,154
- Lf you are lying to me, Tiger...
- Hey, can't you take a little joke?

364
00:22:29,331 --> 00:22:30,923
My career is no joke.

365
00:22:31,099 --> 00:22:34,432
- Nobody's career is never no joke.
- We were just trying to build you up.

366
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,197
Listen, I tell you something,
and I mean this.

367
00:22:37,372 --> 00:22:39,806
You ever hear of instant laryngitis?

368
00:22:39,975 --> 00:22:42,808
No producer be out there tonight.
That's what I got.

369
00:22:42,978 --> 00:22:46,106
Instant laryngitis. And you and Duff
are going to do the show alone.

370
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,408
Those are my words.
They come from the heart.

371
00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:51,609
And I am now officially sick.

372
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,862
Come on, Tiger. Showtime.

373
00:23:07,035 --> 00:23:09,902
- What do you mean?
- Googie's Mr. Big Producer just checked in.

374
00:23:10,072 --> 00:23:13,064
- He's gonna be sitting poolside.
- Well, how we gonna manage that?

375
00:23:13,241 --> 00:23:16,938
We're not. But with a little help
from our friend here... Are you 210?

376
00:23:17,112 --> 00:23:19,603
- Yeah, something like that.
- No, I meant your room.

377
00:23:19,781 --> 00:23:22,181
- Oh, so did I.
- It's right this way.

378
00:23:22,350 --> 00:23:25,046
- Follow us.
- Thank you.

379
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:27,882
Boy, this place is like a Chinese maze.

380
00:23:28,056 --> 00:23:30,524
Just try to stay out of 105 from here on,
all right?

381
00:23:30,692 --> 00:23:31,681
What's in 105?

382
00:23:31,860 --> 00:23:35,421
That's the room I had to pull you out of.
You could hurt somebody doing that.

383
00:23:35,597 --> 00:23:38,498
Wait a minute, I thought that guy
was taking me to my room.

384
00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:40,760
You don't think I went in
because I wanted to?

385
00:23:40,936 --> 00:23:43,769
You trying to tell us
he's a chubby chaser?

386
00:23:43,939 --> 00:23:45,167
A chubby what?

387
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:46,967
You know. It's somebody who likes...

388
00:23:47,142 --> 00:23:50,839
- You mean, like me?
- You're right up his alley.

389
00:23:51,913 --> 00:23:53,813
I knew a guy like that once.

390
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:56,143
I didn't know what to call him.

391
00:23:56,318 --> 00:24:00,118
"Get-Away-From-Me Claude"
was all I could come up with.

392
00:24:00,889 --> 00:24:05,826
Chubby chaser. Hey, that's pretty funny.

393
00:24:06,595 --> 00:24:10,031
Unless you happen to be the chubby
they're chasing.

394
00:24:10,499 --> 00:24:12,160
Thanks for the tip.

395
00:24:12,334 --> 00:24:17,533
- Now if you need anything, Mr...?
- Vespucci. Carmine vespucci.

396
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,334
DUFF: I'm Duff, he's Tiger.
TIGER: You just holler.

397
00:24:20,509 --> 00:24:22,704
Not so fast. What about slippers?

398
00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:24,140
- Slippers?
- Slippers.

399
00:24:24,312 --> 00:24:27,770
Well, where do you think you are,
New York Athletic Club? Slippers.

400
00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:31,278
Boy, you could catch athlete's foot
in a place like this.

401
00:24:31,453 --> 00:24:33,216
You're lucky if that's all you catch.

402
00:24:41,530 --> 00:24:43,157
Seclusion.

403
00:24:43,331 --> 00:24:46,664
A little simple seclusion.
Is that asking too much, God?

404
00:24:47,969 --> 00:24:51,302
ABE [OVER P.A.]: <i>All guest are</i>
<i>requested to shower before entering the poo</i>/.

405
00:24:51,473 --> 00:24:55,068
<i>That's not us, men, it's a city ordinance.</i>

406
00:24:57,345 --> 00:24:59,040
PROCLO: Yeah?
- Are you there?

407
00:24:59,214 --> 00:25:00,875
PROCLO:
Who is it?

408
00:25:01,049 --> 00:25:02,277
Room service.

409
00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:07,282
PROCLO:
Who?

410
00:25:08,490 --> 00:25:10,924
- Go away.
CLAUDE: I've got a box of Hershey bars.

411
00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:13,287
PROCLO:
I said, go away. Ow!

412
00:25:13,461 --> 00:25:16,396
CLAUDE:
Peter Paul Mounds, Milky ways.

413
00:25:17,132 --> 00:25:19,293
PROCLO:
Go away.

414
00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:22,266
I can make you very happy.

415
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:25,600
PROCLO: I know what you are now.
You're a chubby chaser.

416
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:27,401
- I know.
PROCLO: Stop it.

417
00:25:27,576 --> 00:25:29,942
- How?
- I don't know.

418
00:25:32,581 --> 00:25:34,947
Are you still there?

419
00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:46,322
CLAUDE [SINGING]:
<i>Love, your magic spell lis everywhere</i>

420
00:25:46,494 --> 00:25:50,123
<i>Someday he'll <i>come along</i>

421
00:25:50,298 --> 00:25:52,357
<i>The man I love</i>

422
00:25:54,903 --> 00:25:57,030
<i>Along came...</i>

423
00:25:57,906 --> 00:26:00,170
who? Who? Then along came who?

424
00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:05,135
Vespucci?

425
00:26:08,383 --> 00:26:11,045
[SINGING]
<i>Vespucci</i>

426
00:26:11,219 --> 00:26:15,053
<i>I just met a boy named vespucci</i>

427
00:26:15,223 --> 00:26:16,383
PROCLO:
Okay.

428
00:26:16,558 --> 00:26:19,152
<i>- And suddenly that name, yeah</i>
PROCLO: All right. You win.

429
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:20,954
<i>- Will never be...</i>
PROCLO: You win, mister.

430
00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:22,289
What?

431
00:26:22,464 --> 00:26:23,556
PROCLO:
What's your room number?

432
00:26:23,732 --> 00:26:27,031
- 105.
- 105. All right, you go...

433
00:26:27,202 --> 00:26:29,329
You go down to 105
and I'll be right there.

434
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:32,439
CLAUDE: Do you promise?
- On my mother's grave.

435
00:26:32,607 --> 00:26:36,839
Get away from the door. If you're still there
when I come out the whole deal is off.

436
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:40,778
Yeah, and if you're not down
in my room in five minutes...

437
00:26:40,949 --> 00:26:44,043
...then I'm gonna come up here
and break your knees.

438
00:26:44,653 --> 00:26:46,587
Don't push your luck...

439
00:26:47,055 --> 00:26:50,991
...with Claude Perkins.

440
00:26:52,093 --> 00:26:54,926
[MoUTHING]
<i>Claude Perkins?</i>

441
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,854
No.

442
00:26:58,033 --> 00:27:00,263
No, it can't be the same one.

443
00:27:00,435 --> 00:27:02,995
No, he's dead. He has to be dead.

444
00:27:03,171 --> 00:27:04,866
Claude Perkins.

445
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,235
That's all I need now.

446
00:27:10,345 --> 00:27:11,403
No.

447
00:27:11,579 --> 00:27:12,876
Oh, no.

448
00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:15,039
Oh, please, open up. Oh!

449
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,410
[DooR RATTLING]

450
00:27:16,584 --> 00:27:18,677
Hey, boy, you with the key. Boy.

451
00:27:19,287 --> 00:27:22,723
[IN HIGH volCE]
Hey, you boy, you with the key.

452
00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:26,418
Oh, boy. You with...

453
00:27:27,962 --> 00:27:29,122
[SQUEALS]

454
00:27:29,297 --> 00:27:30,924
[CLEARS THRo AT]

455
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:34,926
My throat, I'm sorry.
Too many cigarettes, you know.

456
00:27:37,138 --> 00:27:40,403
I hear the Knicks tied it up
in the last quarter.

457
00:27:40,575 --> 00:27:42,406
Crisco.

458
00:27:42,577 --> 00:27:43,566
What?

459
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:45,770
Crisco oil party.

460
00:27:45,947 --> 00:27:47,608
Crisco oil party?

461
00:27:47,782 --> 00:27:50,945
Room 419. Pass it on.

462
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,108
Pass what on?

463
00:27:52,287 --> 00:27:54,482
- Bring Joey.
- Who's Joey?

464
00:27:54,656 --> 00:27:56,180
You know Joey.

465
00:27:56,358 --> 00:27:57,791
Don't bring Chuck.

466
00:27:57,959 --> 00:27:59,790
You got that?

467
00:28:02,230 --> 00:28:03,857
Crisco oil party.

468
00:28:04,032 --> 00:28:06,262
Room 419.

469
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:08,368
I can bring Joey but not Chuck.

470
00:28:08,536 --> 00:28:10,333
Check.

471
00:28:14,676 --> 00:28:17,110
What's the matter with Chuck?

472
00:28:17,812 --> 00:28:19,575
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

473
00:28:21,182 --> 00:28:23,582
Chuck is definitely out.

474
00:28:23,752 --> 00:28:26,220
Hey, you won't be disappointed.

475
00:28:27,255 --> 00:28:28,984
PROCLO:
Okay, wait a minute.

476
00:28:29,157 --> 00:28:30,784
Wait a minute. Be calm.

477
00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:33,223
Stay natural. Don't get hysterical.

478
00:28:33,395 --> 00:28:35,363
It's just...

479
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:38,630
Haven't you ever heard
anyone talk to himself before?

480
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,631
CHUCK:
All the time in this place.

481
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,099
Hey, is your name Joey?

482
00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:45,535
CHUCK: It's Chuck.
- Stay away from me!

483
00:28:50,178 --> 00:28:51,668
[KNOCKING]

484
00:28:53,248 --> 00:28:55,182
- Excuse me.
- I'm resting.

485
00:28:55,350 --> 00:28:57,614
- May I come in?
- No. No, I said, I'm resting.

486
00:28:57,786 --> 00:29:00,778
- Oh, I'm looking for someone.
- No, no. I told you, I'm resting.

487
00:29:00,955 --> 00:29:03,924
- That's okay, I just wanted to ask you...
- Hey.

488
00:29:04,092 --> 00:29:07,823
What do you need,
a brick wall to fall on your head?

489
00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:08,985
Resting.

490
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:13,863
It's a euphemism
for not interested, skinny.

491
00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:27,607
[HUMMING]

492
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,254
MAN [ON TAPE RECORDER]:
<i>Oh, I couldn't. Are you...? No.</i>

493
00:29:42,764 --> 00:29:44,391
[MAN STAMMERING]

494
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:50,394
<i>Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes.</i>

495
00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:53,898
<i>Oh, yes, yes. Oh, God, yeah.</i>

496
00:29:54,075 --> 00:29:55,838
[MAN GRUNTING]

497
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:57,200
<i>Cigarette?</i>

498
00:29:59,781 --> 00:30:01,146
[TAPE RECORDER WHIRS]

499
00:30:02,617 --> 00:30:04,244
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
ON TAPE RECORDER]

500
00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:16,394
Telephone call for Joe Namath
in room 340.

501
00:30:16,564 --> 00:30:21,228
That's long distance
for Mr. Joe Namath, 340.

502
00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:25,164
There, you see,
I knew I wasn't a crazy person.

503
00:30:25,340 --> 00:30:27,865
I mean, Joe Namath.
There's no way that the man...

504
00:30:28,042 --> 00:30:31,739
...who led the Jets to so many
victories could be a... You know.

505
00:30:32,514 --> 00:30:35,108
"Mr. Namath,
I wonder if I might have an autograph.

506
00:30:35,283 --> 00:30:37,751
It's not for me,
it's for my 10-year-old Gilda.

507
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:40,615
She's a big fan of yours,
Mr. Namath, and I wondered if..."

508
00:30:40,788 --> 00:30:43,757
"Mr. Namath, excuse me,
I wonder if we might have an autograph.

509
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:46,758
It's not for me, it's for my..."

510
00:31:03,578 --> 00:31:04,567
Mr. Namath?

511
00:31:05,246 --> 00:31:06,372
[CHUCKLES]

512
00:31:11,419 --> 00:31:13,182
You're not Joe Namath.

513
00:31:13,354 --> 00:31:14,981
Neither are you.

514
00:31:15,156 --> 00:31:17,989
- I thought you were Joe Namath.
- Oh, it's the lighting.

515
00:31:18,159 --> 00:31:22,619
- I was praying you were Joe Namath.
- I don't blame you.

516
00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:26,198
- I mean, you just had to be him.
- Are you eating your heart out, honey?

517
00:31:26,367 --> 00:31:27,732
I don't know what I'm doing.

518
00:31:27,902 --> 00:31:29,130
Join the club.

519
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:32,865
It's like some strange heterosexual
gypsy curse was put on this place.

520
00:31:33,041 --> 00:31:34,736
- How's the orgy room?
- I haven't...

521
00:31:34,909 --> 00:31:36,570
- The steam room?
- No. No.

522
00:31:36,744 --> 00:31:39,008
Well, no wonder you haven't made out.

523
00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:41,910
- That's my son you've got in there.
MAN: Buzz off.

524
00:31:42,083 --> 00:31:46,110
One mark on that boy's body, wanda,
and I'm calling the police.

525
00:31:46,287 --> 00:31:48,847
I tried. Come on, I'll show you around.

526
00:31:49,023 --> 00:31:50,923
No, thanks,
I was on my way to my room.

527
00:31:51,092 --> 00:31:52,354
Come on.

528
00:31:52,527 --> 00:31:56,019
Hey, I don't do this sort of thing
for just everybody. I'm an expert guide.

529
00:31:56,197 --> 00:31:59,223
- Hey, there's something I better tell you.
- Sweetheart, relax.

530
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,097
You are not my type.
I just wanna help you find yours.

531
00:32:03,271 --> 00:32:05,637
Hello.

532
00:32:10,144 --> 00:32:12,305
We said hello.

533
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,038
[KNUCKLES CRACKING]

534
00:32:14,215 --> 00:32:17,946
Margaret Dumont.
We thought you were dead.

535
00:32:18,119 --> 00:32:20,451
There's a reason some of us
don't ride the subway.

536
00:32:20,622 --> 00:32:22,385
I'm looking right at it.

537
00:32:22,557 --> 00:32:23,888
Is that supposed to mean me?

538
00:32:24,559 --> 00:32:27,494
Screw you, honey.
If there's one thing I can't stand...

539
00:32:27,662 --> 00:32:30,563
...it's a queen without a sense of humor.
Die with your secret.

540
00:32:30,732 --> 00:32:33,064
Miserable piss-elegant fairy.

541
00:32:33,234 --> 00:32:35,634
Dusty. What are you having?

542
00:32:35,803 --> 00:32:39,295
Hey, look.
There's something I wanna tell you.

543
00:32:39,474 --> 00:32:41,203
I'm afraid...

544
00:32:41,376 --> 00:32:43,435
Look, I'm afraid I'm not...

545
00:32:43,611 --> 00:32:45,636
BARTENDER:
There you go, Chris.

546
00:32:45,813 --> 00:32:48,441
- You're not gay?
- No.

547
00:32:48,616 --> 00:32:50,607
CHRIS: What are you,
a social worker or something?

548
00:32:50,785 --> 00:32:51,774
Hey, wait a minute.

549
00:32:51,953 --> 00:32:55,582
You mean to tell me
that everybody here is... Is...

550
00:32:55,757 --> 00:32:57,281
Gay!

551
00:32:57,458 --> 00:33:00,950
It's not such a tough word,
you might try using it sometime.

552
00:33:02,096 --> 00:33:04,724
- Nobody the opposite?
- I sure as hell hope not.

553
00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:07,629
I didn't pay 10 bucks
to walk around with Shriners.

554
00:33:07,802 --> 00:33:11,135
Sorry. I didn't know what I was getting
into when I came here tonight.

555
00:33:11,305 --> 00:33:14,274
I am scared. I'm troubled.
I'm confused. I'm sorry.

556
00:33:14,442 --> 00:33:15,932
Hey, that's okay.

557
00:33:16,110 --> 00:33:19,841
You're gonna think I'm crazy,
but my brother-in-law is planning to kill me.

558
00:33:20,014 --> 00:33:22,642
- Man, are you putting me on?
- Boy, I wish I were.

559
00:33:22,817 --> 00:33:25,081
- You picked a gay baths to hide out in?
- I didn't.

560
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:28,882
I told the cab driver to bring me to the last
place anybody would look for me.

561
00:33:29,057 --> 00:33:31,082
- Don't worry, you found it.
- Sure. Yeah.

562
00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:33,489
And now I got
a chubby chaser after me.

563
00:33:33,661 --> 00:33:36,596
Why don't you just go to your room
and try to get some sleep?

564
00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:37,753
Sleep?

565
00:33:37,932 --> 00:33:40,958
Yeah, strange as it may seem,
no one is going to attack you.

566
00:33:41,135 --> 00:33:43,569
Someone already has.

567
00:33:43,738 --> 00:33:45,000
Beginner's luck.

568
00:33:45,173 --> 00:33:49,542
Now, if you will excuse me, darling,
I'm gonna try my luck in there.

569
00:33:49,711 --> 00:33:53,112
And us B girls work better solo. See you.

570
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:58,548
[IN HIGH volCE] Hello, everybody,
my name is June. What's yours?

571
00:33:58,720 --> 00:33:59,744
MAN:
Hi.

572
00:34:33,121 --> 00:34:34,486
BRICK:
Hello.

573
00:34:34,655 --> 00:34:36,987
Mr. Vespucci.

574
00:34:37,158 --> 00:34:38,489
Michael Brick.

575
00:34:38,659 --> 00:34:41,287
It's hard getting the goods
on someone you've never seen.

576
00:34:41,462 --> 00:34:42,724
No.

577
00:34:42,897 --> 00:34:44,387
No one fits your description.

578
00:34:44,565 --> 00:34:45,589
TIGER [wHISPERS]:
That's him.

579
00:34:45,767 --> 00:34:47,359
If you need me, I'm in room 201.

580
00:34:47,535 --> 00:34:49,230
TIGER:
Mr. Vespucci, the producer.

581
00:34:49,403 --> 00:34:51,098
He's here again.

582
00:34:51,272 --> 00:34:53,206
That transvestite.

583
00:34:55,209 --> 00:34:56,198
[WHISPERS]
He?

584
00:34:56,377 --> 00:34:57,503
GOOGIE:
Cuckoo.

585
00:34:57,678 --> 00:35:01,045
Duff and Tiger told me
who you are, Mr. Vespucci.

586
00:35:01,215 --> 00:35:04,241
Yeah, well, I wish they had told me
what you are.

587
00:35:04,418 --> 00:35:08,445
I got a little laryngitis
but the show must go on, no?

588
00:35:08,623 --> 00:35:10,147
- No.
- Why not?

589
00:35:10,324 --> 00:35:11,382
I don't know.

590
00:35:13,861 --> 00:35:16,853
I knew there was something funny
about that Gomez woman.

591
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:19,659
She's not a woman.

592
00:35:19,967 --> 00:35:22,265
When I grow another head's
when I'm leaving.

593
00:35:22,436 --> 00:35:24,063
Vespucci. Vespucci.

594
00:35:24,238 --> 00:35:27,469
I waited downstairs. You promised
that you were gonna come. I waited.

595
00:35:27,642 --> 00:35:30,770
Vespucci, are you coming?
Vespucci, are you coming out?

596
00:35:30,945 --> 00:35:36,110
Vespucci, you...
vespucci, vespucci, vespucci, you...

597
00:35:36,284 --> 00:35:38,115
I waited downstairs. You didn't...

598
00:35:38,286 --> 00:35:41,187
I was waiting downstairs, right down...
Excuse me. I went...

599
00:35:41,355 --> 00:35:42,822
[PROCLO GASPING]

600
00:35:44,325 --> 00:35:47,556
Hey, hey, hey. Oh, vespucci, vespucci...

601
00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:49,127
[CRYING]

602
00:35:49,297 --> 00:35:53,063
It is the same Claude Perkins.
We were in the Army together.

603
00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:58,137
I thought he was dead. Why can't
he be dead? It would be nice dead.

604
00:36:03,311 --> 00:36:06,508
I don't like to bug producers
just before they catch your act...

605
00:36:06,681 --> 00:36:08,740
...so I just want to tell you one thing.

606
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:13,447
In my second number,
"Shine on Harvest Moon"...

607
00:36:13,621 --> 00:36:17,819
...the orchestra and me
sometimes get into different keys.

608
00:36:17,992 --> 00:36:19,550
But if you know, it won't matter.

609
00:36:19,727 --> 00:36:23,390
Other than that, the act is fabulous
and I just know you're going to love it.

610
00:36:23,564 --> 00:36:27,500
CLAUDE: Vespucci.
- Yes. I'm sure it is.

611
00:36:31,038 --> 00:36:34,166
You are too <i>guapo</i> to be a producer.

612
00:36:34,342 --> 00:36:35,331
<i>Guapo?</i>

613
00:36:35,509 --> 00:36:36,976
Handsome.

614
00:36:37,144 --> 00:36:39,772
Who, me?
Oh, come on, I'm ugly, I'm very ugly.

615
00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:42,916
Ah, with a face like that,
you could have been an actor.

616
00:36:43,084 --> 00:36:47,384
You still could, it's never too late.
Look at Catrina valente, vicki Carr.

617
00:36:47,555 --> 00:36:50,422
- Yeah, but they're real women.
GOOGIE: Oh, no.

618
00:36:50,591 --> 00:36:52,650
PROCLO:
They're not?

619
00:36:52,927 --> 00:36:55,555
Plastic Puerto Ricans.

620
00:36:55,730 --> 00:36:57,129
I am the real thing.

621
00:36:57,298 --> 00:37:00,699
You are the real thing
and I knew you were in show business.

622
00:37:00,868 --> 00:37:03,803
- Me?
- Oh, I knew I'd seen you someplace.

623
00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:06,872
I was in the Cleveland Little Theater
Masque and Mummer's...

624
00:37:07,041 --> 00:37:08,975
...spring production
of <i>Sound Of Music</i>...

625
00:37:09,143 --> 00:37:12,306
...but I wouldn't call that show business.
- Oh, yes? What part?

626
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,278
It was really more of a walk-on.

627
00:37:15,449 --> 00:37:18,009
GOOGIE:
I was in that show.

628
00:37:18,185 --> 00:37:20,551
PROCLO: You were in <i>The Sound of Music?</i>
GOOGIE: Oh, sure.

629
00:37:21,656 --> 00:37:22,850
Where was this?

630
00:37:23,024 --> 00:37:26,152
Broadway. The mainstream, where else?

631
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:28,261
- The original cast?
- Oh!

632
00:37:28,429 --> 00:37:30,989
I was more original
than anyone else in it.

633
00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:34,396
They fired me the first day of rehearsal,
those bastards.

634
00:37:34,568 --> 00:37:36,399
They said I wasn't right for the part.

635
00:37:36,570 --> 00:37:37,730
What part was that?

636
00:37:37,905 --> 00:37:40,806
Oh, one of those fucking Trapp kids.

637
00:37:40,975 --> 00:37:44,741
But you know what
the real reason was, mister?

638
00:37:45,112 --> 00:37:47,137
They found out what you really were.

639
00:37:47,315 --> 00:37:48,339
No.

640
00:37:48,516 --> 00:37:50,074
Seymour Pippin.

641
00:37:50,551 --> 00:37:52,280
Who?

642
00:37:52,453 --> 00:37:53,750
Oh, shit.

643
00:37:53,921 --> 00:37:56,048
Seymour Pippin.

644
00:37:56,223 --> 00:37:58,123
He was the company manager.

645
00:37:58,292 --> 00:38:01,523
If there is one man that I was born to kill
with my own two hands...

646
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,061
...it's Seymour Pippin.

647
00:38:03,764 --> 00:38:05,629
But I fix them.

648
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:10,499
I picket that show until they was crazy.

649
00:38:10,671 --> 00:38:13,765
I picket. I picket. I picket.

650
00:38:13,941 --> 00:38:18,071
I picket that show every night
until I got a part in <i>Camelot</i>.

651
00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:20,013
[STEAM HISSING]

652
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:24,014
- You were in <i>Camelot</i> too?
- Oh, sure.

653
00:38:24,185 --> 00:38:27,211
Oh, boy. That's a wonderful show.

654
00:38:28,289 --> 00:38:30,553
It's a piece of shit.

655
00:38:30,858 --> 00:38:33,622
- They fired you from that one too, huh?
- Sure, they fire me.

656
00:38:33,794 --> 00:38:37,560
What did you expect? Thanks to Seymour
Pippin, I get fired from everything.

657
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,929
- I can't imagine why.
- Oh, yeah?

658
00:38:41,102 --> 00:38:43,468
You see this face? It's a curse.

659
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:46,502
All right. Come on, keep away from me.

660
00:38:46,674 --> 00:38:49,006
GOOGIE: Don't fight it.
- Believe me, you won't be happy.

661
00:38:49,176 --> 00:38:51,542
I won't be happy.
You're making a big mistake.

662
00:38:51,712 --> 00:38:53,680
- I am suddenly all woman.
- No, you're not.

663
00:38:53,848 --> 00:38:57,841
- You're someone with a lot of problems.
- Aye, make me feel like a real woman.

664
00:38:58,019 --> 00:39:00,385
That's not my department.
That's out of my hands.

665
00:39:00,554 --> 00:39:01,782
GOOGIE: Kiss me.
- Come on.

666
00:39:01,956 --> 00:39:02,945
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

667
00:39:03,124 --> 00:39:04,489
Oh, shit.

668
00:39:04,658 --> 00:39:06,922
TIGER: Let's go, Googie, we're on.
DUFF: Fuck.

669
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:10,624
GOOGIE:
Come on, my Mr. Big Producer.

670
00:39:10,798 --> 00:39:14,290
You're going to love my show.
I got you the best seat. I seat you ringside.

671
00:39:14,468 --> 00:39:17,369
- We save the hanky-pank for later, huh?
- Hanky-pank, what?

672
00:39:17,538 --> 00:39:20,666
Googie is going
to straighten you out between shows.

673
00:39:20,841 --> 00:39:24,777
- Oh, what room are you in?
- 210. I mean, 201.

674
00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:27,675
- One.
- I be there, <i>chico</i>.

675
00:39:27,848 --> 00:39:31,375
Thanks a million for helping us out
like this, Mr. Vespucci.

676
00:39:31,819 --> 00:39:33,013
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

677
00:39:39,060 --> 00:39:40,357
Wanna dance?

678
00:39:40,528 --> 00:39:42,621
- What?
- Dance.

679
00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:46,096
PROCLO: Dance?
- Forget it.

680
00:39:49,503 --> 00:39:53,872
If I ever get my hands on the cab driver
that brought me here, he's finished.

681
00:39:59,380 --> 00:40:00,472
Is this taken?

682
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,582
MAN:
No.

683
00:40:13,394 --> 00:40:15,828
CARMINE:
Stay here. Don't let nobody in.

684
00:40:26,574 --> 00:40:27,802
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

685
00:40:40,054 --> 00:40:42,522
MAN:
And now, on the great Ritz stage...

686
00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:46,421
...direct from her bus-and-truck tour
with <i>Fiddler On The Roof...</i>

687
00:40:46,594 --> 00:40:50,155
...the sensational Googie Gomez
with Duff and Tiger...

688
00:40:50,331 --> 00:40:54,267
...those amazing, now-you-see-it,
now-you-don't, golden go-go boys.

689
00:40:54,568 --> 00:40:56,001
Here's Duff.

690
00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:57,933
[RIM SHoT]

691
00:40:58,439 --> 00:41:00,373
Here's Tiger.

692
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:01,769
[RIM SHOT]

693
00:41:03,144 --> 00:41:05,374
And here's Googie.

694
00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:07,104
[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]

695
00:41:18,392 --> 00:41:19,950
[SINGING]

696
00:43:26,487 --> 00:43:28,148
[APPLAUSE]

697
00:43:31,358 --> 00:43:34,691
Thank you, thank you.

698
00:43:36,263 --> 00:43:38,231
Thank you.

699
00:43:40,434 --> 00:43:42,061
Thank you.

700
00:43:43,904 --> 00:43:46,168
Thank you, thank you.

701
00:43:47,641 --> 00:43:49,233
And now...

702
00:43:49,410 --> 00:43:55,110
...I would like you to meet
someone very special to me.

703
00:43:55,282 --> 00:43:57,773
A man who... what can I say?

704
00:43:57,951 --> 00:44:01,250
If I say it in Spanish
you won't understand me.

705
00:44:01,422 --> 00:44:05,324
Ladies and gentlemen,
one of the all-time great producers...

706
00:44:05,492 --> 00:44:08,484
...Mr. Carmine vespucci.

707
00:44:08,662 --> 00:44:09,959
[APPLAUSE]

708
00:44:18,806 --> 00:44:23,175
GOOGIE:
And now, a salute to Cole Porter.

709
00:44:23,811 --> 00:44:25,142
[SINGING]

710
00:44:33,187 --> 00:44:35,212
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
<i>We have an urgent telephone call...</i>

711
00:44:35,389 --> 00:44:37,619
<i>... for somebody called Wally</i>
<i>at the front office.</i>

712
00:44:37,791 --> 00:44:41,784
<i>That's all they said,</i>
<i>someone called Wally.</i>

713
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,420
Jesus Christ.

714
00:44:45,165 --> 00:44:46,154
Good evening.

715
00:44:46,567 --> 00:44:47,556
Huh?

716
00:44:47,735 --> 00:44:49,168
I said, good evening.

717
00:44:49,336 --> 00:44:50,894
Well, just watch your step, Mac.

718
00:44:51,071 --> 00:44:53,801
Well, I just said good evening.

719
00:45:05,484 --> 00:45:06,746
CARMINE:
Are you in there, Brick?

720
00:45:06,919 --> 00:45:09,149
It's vespucci. Don't open.
I don't want anyone to see.

721
00:45:09,322 --> 00:45:12,621
If you can hear me, knock once.
If you can't, knock twice.

722
00:45:12,792 --> 00:45:14,191
BRICK:
"Knock once."

723
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,351
CARMINE:
Are you there, Brick?

724
00:45:18,598 --> 00:45:19,587
[KNOCKS ONCE]

725
00:45:19,765 --> 00:45:21,995
Good, our signals are working.

726
00:45:22,168 --> 00:45:24,068
Now listen to me.

727
00:45:24,537 --> 00:45:28,337
Have you seen that balding, fat slob
brother-in-law of mine yet?

728
00:45:29,342 --> 00:45:30,604
[KNOCKS TWlCE]

729
00:45:30,776 --> 00:45:32,869
What does that mean, no?

730
00:45:33,145 --> 00:45:34,703
[KNOCKS ONCE]

731
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,440
Okay, I think I read you.

732
00:45:37,617 --> 00:45:38,845
Now...

733
00:45:39,018 --> 00:45:41,748
...I know he's around here somewhere.

734
00:45:42,121 --> 00:45:45,989
What I don't know is how you could miss
him. He's a house. Wait a minute.

735
00:45:46,158 --> 00:45:48,126
Somebody's coming.

736
00:45:54,500 --> 00:45:57,401
Forget it.

737
00:45:59,472 --> 00:46:02,532
Listen, Brick. None of these fruits tried
to pull anything with you, did they?

738
00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:04,198
[KNOCKS ONCE]

739
00:46:04,377 --> 00:46:05,844
Oh, my God.

740
00:46:06,012 --> 00:46:07,343
I'll make it up to you.

741
00:46:08,114 --> 00:46:13,609
Meet me in room 224 in 15 minutes.

742
00:46:13,786 --> 00:46:15,413
Knock three times. Got that?

743
00:46:15,588 --> 00:46:16,816
[KNOCKS THREE TIMES]

744
00:46:16,989 --> 00:46:19,321
Not now, stupid, then.

745
00:46:19,492 --> 00:46:21,926
You don't have to worry
about him leaving this place.

746
00:46:22,094 --> 00:46:24,460
Leaving in one piece, I mean.

747
00:46:24,630 --> 00:46:26,598
I got all my men waiting for him.

748
00:46:26,766 --> 00:46:29,257
Ain't that great, Brick, huh?

749
00:46:29,535 --> 00:46:30,968
[KNOCKS ONCE]

750
00:46:31,137 --> 00:46:33,435
I knew you'd like that.

751
00:46:36,242 --> 00:46:37,869
[MUSIC PLAYING]

752
00:46:54,293 --> 00:46:56,227
MAN:
Stay with us. There she goes.

753
00:46:56,395 --> 00:46:58,590
Yeah.

754
00:47:05,137 --> 00:47:07,401
CLAUDE:
Vespucci.

755
00:47:08,074 --> 00:47:10,907
- Vespucci.
- Aah!

756
00:47:11,077 --> 00:47:12,567
Wait, vespucci, wait a minute.

757
00:47:14,847 --> 00:47:17,407
Hold on. Hold on. Wait.

758
00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:19,278
PROCLO:
Go away.

759
00:47:19,785 --> 00:47:20,774
Go away. Get off.

760
00:47:20,953 --> 00:47:21,942
[CLATTERING]

761
00:47:22,121 --> 00:47:23,418
Leave me alone.

762
00:47:23,622 --> 00:47:24,850
[CLAUDE AND
PROCLO GRUNTING]

763
00:47:32,231 --> 00:47:33,664
[GOOGIE SQUEALING]

764
00:47:34,700 --> 00:47:35,860
[GIGGLING]

765
00:47:39,372 --> 00:47:40,566
[GOOGIE SCREAMS]

766
00:47:42,875 --> 00:47:44,365
TIGER:
Sorry, Googie.

767
00:47:44,543 --> 00:47:45,532
[APPLAUSE]

768
00:47:47,980 --> 00:47:49,641
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

769
00:47:51,183 --> 00:47:53,811
This way... vespucci.

770
00:47:56,922 --> 00:48:00,323
Where is this skinny little man
who ruined my act?

771
00:48:00,493 --> 00:48:02,654
I kill him.

772
00:48:03,863 --> 00:48:05,194
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH]

773
00:48:10,102 --> 00:48:12,127
CLAUDE:
Vespucci.

774
00:48:13,272 --> 00:48:14,967
Vespucci.

775
00:48:18,477 --> 00:48:20,775
Vespucci.

776
00:48:22,982 --> 00:48:24,074
[CLAUDE LAUGHING]

777
00:48:26,252 --> 00:48:28,652
TIGER: Googie, wait.
You can't go in there.

778
00:48:29,121 --> 00:48:31,555
You think I don't know
what goes on in this place?

779
00:48:31,724 --> 00:48:32,986
All of you men going:

780
00:48:33,159 --> 00:48:35,024
"Hee, hee, hee!
Poo, poo, poo! Ha, ha, ha!"

781
00:48:35,361 --> 00:48:37,090
TIGER:
Googie, no.

782
00:48:37,663 --> 00:48:38,755
[GOOGIE SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

783
00:48:38,931 --> 00:48:40,228
MAN:
Ow!

784
00:48:43,702 --> 00:48:45,135
[CLAUDE SCREAMING]

785
00:48:54,013 --> 00:48:57,915
CLAUDE: You could use
a good psychiatrist, mister.

786
00:48:59,351 --> 00:49:02,684
- What did you call me?
- He didn't mean it.

787
00:49:02,855 --> 00:49:03,947
Tell her you're sorry.

788
00:49:04,123 --> 00:49:09,322
CLAUDE: I haven't seen such tacky
drag since the Princeton varsity show.

789
00:49:09,495 --> 00:49:13,625
- Tacky drag?
CLAUDE: Thirty years ago, Sonny boy.

790
00:49:13,799 --> 00:49:15,266
[SCREAMING IN SPANISH]

791
00:49:18,270 --> 00:49:19,498
[CLAUDE GRUNTING]

792
00:49:23,309 --> 00:49:25,641
I'm going straight.

793
00:49:33,886 --> 00:49:36,252
Were you in there for all that?

794
00:49:36,555 --> 00:49:38,819
You don't wanna talk about it?

795
00:49:38,991 --> 00:49:42,483
- Why are you wearing your clothes?
PROCLO: I'm going to Central Park.

796
00:49:44,263 --> 00:49:46,629
CHRIS: For somebody who's
never been in a place like this...

797
00:49:46,799 --> 00:49:48,391
...you're certainly getting around.

798
00:49:49,535 --> 00:49:50,661
[WHIRRING]

799
00:49:58,310 --> 00:50:00,073
CHRIS: I thought you were
gonna stay in your room.

800
00:50:00,246 --> 00:50:01,235
PROCLO:
I can't.

801
00:50:01,413 --> 00:50:04,211
Tiger and Duff told Googie
I was Carmine vespucci.

802
00:50:04,383 --> 00:50:06,578
Claude thinks I'm Carmine vespucci.

803
00:50:06,752 --> 00:50:08,982
Everybody thinks I'm Carmine vespucci.

804
00:50:09,154 --> 00:50:11,213
CHRIS: Who are you?
PROCLO: Carmine vespucci.

805
00:50:11,390 --> 00:50:14,484
BRICK:
Are you Mr. Carmine vespucci, sir?

806
00:50:14,660 --> 00:50:16,287
Hello, kid, you got a light?

807
00:50:16,762 --> 00:50:19,458
Are you him, Mr. Vespucci?

808
00:50:20,399 --> 00:50:22,629
- Say yes. Say yes.
- Yes.

809
00:50:22,801 --> 00:50:25,167
I'm Michael Brick.
My room's right up there.

810
00:50:25,337 --> 00:50:27,237
I'm Chris.
My room is right up there too.

811
00:50:27,406 --> 00:50:28,464
BRICK:
Hi, Chris, how are you?

812
00:50:28,641 --> 00:50:29,869
[CHRIS CHUCKLES]

813
00:50:32,044 --> 00:50:33,238
[PHONE RINGS]

814
00:50:35,214 --> 00:50:36,875
[SCREAMS]

815
00:50:52,598 --> 00:50:53,587
Now.

816
00:50:53,766 --> 00:50:57,429
This is what I thought we'd do.
Get under the bed.

817
00:50:59,572 --> 00:51:03,269
- Another one.
- All right, stay there. Stay there.

818
00:51:03,442 --> 00:51:06,377
Now, we pretend that you're him
and I'm me...

819
00:51:06,545 --> 00:51:08,740
...and the real you is under the bed.

820
00:51:08,914 --> 00:51:11,508
Only this one's the worst.

821
00:51:17,389 --> 00:51:20,119
Sit down, Mr. Vespucci.
Now, get the picture.

822
00:51:20,292 --> 00:51:22,920
The lights are low.

823
00:51:24,063 --> 00:51:26,725
He's moving down the hallway...

824
00:51:26,899 --> 00:51:28,560
...when finally he sees me.

825
00:51:28,734 --> 00:51:31,294
I'm leaning against the door.

826
00:51:31,770 --> 00:51:33,897
I put one knee up.

827
00:51:34,073 --> 00:51:35,631
I flex.

828
00:51:35,808 --> 00:51:36,797
I've caught his eye.

829
00:51:37,309 --> 00:51:38,606
I wink.

830
00:51:38,777 --> 00:51:41,746
I kind of beckon with my head.

831
00:51:42,581 --> 00:51:45,106
And finally, I speak.

832
00:51:45,284 --> 00:51:48,117
See something you like, buddy?

833
00:51:48,487 --> 00:51:50,580
I'm resting.

834
00:51:53,592 --> 00:51:54,991
That's the tough-guy approach.

835
00:51:56,328 --> 00:51:58,159
Is that your real voice?

836
00:51:58,330 --> 00:52:01,788
- Why? Does it bother you?
- No. No. No.

837
00:52:01,967 --> 00:52:04,595
- Some people find it very irritating.
- I can't image why.

838
00:52:04,770 --> 00:52:05,759
Me either.

839
00:52:05,938 --> 00:52:09,101
Of course, I'm used to it.
I've had it ever since I was a kid.

840
00:52:09,274 --> 00:52:14,177
I mean, I grew up and matured.
Only, my voice didn't.

841
00:52:15,214 --> 00:52:17,182
- Where was I?
- The tough-guy approach.

842
00:52:17,483 --> 00:52:21,044
- Oh! And then...
- I'm having a nightmare.

843
00:52:21,220 --> 00:52:22,847
- This is where you jump out.

844
00:52:23,022 --> 00:52:24,512
You see, I'm not queer.

845
00:52:24,923 --> 00:52:27,483
Boy, you could have fooled me.

846
00:52:27,660 --> 00:52:31,460
BRICK: So you're gonna have to help me
find your brother-in-law, Mr. Vespucci.

847
00:52:32,398 --> 00:52:33,865
What? My brother-in-law?

848
00:52:34,033 --> 00:52:36,524
I can't find anyone
who fits Mr. Proclo's description.

849
00:52:36,702 --> 00:52:37,999
- Who are you?
- Michael Brick.

850
00:52:38,170 --> 00:52:40,297
- What are you?
- A detective.

851
00:52:40,673 --> 00:52:41,662
[ALARM BUZZING]

852
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,330
Quick, it's time. Get under the bed.

853
00:52:43,509 --> 00:52:44,498
For what?

854
00:52:44,677 --> 00:52:46,542
BRICK: I left a note by
the Coke machine saying:

855
00:52:46,712 --> 00:52:50,478
"Any middle-aged, fat, balding man
whose initials are G. P...

856
00:52:50,649 --> 00:52:54,346
...interested in a good time,
should meet me here at midnight sharp."

857
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,284
Just leave everything to me.
I'm right on top of you.

858
00:52:57,656 --> 00:53:00,250
I can't tell you how comforting that is.

859
00:53:03,328 --> 00:53:05,193
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
<i>Anyone interested in forming...</i>

860
00:53:05,364 --> 00:53:09,960
<i>...a Ritz softball team, contact Howard.</i>
MAN: I'm resting.

861
00:53:12,271 --> 00:53:13,260
[KNOCKS]

862
00:53:13,439 --> 00:53:15,964
CARMINE:
I said knock three times.

863
00:53:19,044 --> 00:53:22,946
Oh, he's being masterful
with me already, the brute.

864
00:53:23,115 --> 00:53:26,141
CARMINE: That's more like it.
- I think I'm in love. Hi.

865
00:53:26,318 --> 00:53:27,580
[CHRIS GRUNTS
THEN CLATTERING]

866
00:53:32,091 --> 00:53:33,080
Ow.

867
00:53:33,258 --> 00:53:35,089
CARMINE:
Hey, let me get a look at you.

868
00:53:35,260 --> 00:53:36,522
[CHUCKLES]

869
00:53:36,829 --> 00:53:38,820
I'm no judge of fruit bait,
but you'll do.

870
00:53:38,997 --> 00:53:42,990
Oh, let's just cool it, sweetheart.
This is not the Meat Rack, huh?

871
00:53:43,168 --> 00:53:45,227
You can can the fag act with me, Brick.

872
00:53:45,404 --> 00:53:48,635
Now listen, I think I've come up
with something.

873
00:53:48,807 --> 00:53:51,002
This sounds like the oldest stunt
in the book...

874
00:53:51,176 --> 00:53:53,440
...but I'm gonna hide under your bed.

875
00:53:53,612 --> 00:53:56,581
On the contrary, that's a first for me.

876
00:53:56,749 --> 00:53:58,740
You never tried
the under-the-bed technique?

877
00:53:58,917 --> 00:54:00,714
Well, not till recently.

878
00:54:00,886 --> 00:54:05,346
- What kind of a detective are you?
- Now, that's a good question, honey.

879
00:54:05,524 --> 00:54:07,151
Can it, Brick. Just can it.

880
00:54:07,326 --> 00:54:09,521
One thing I don't like is a wise guy.

881
00:54:09,695 --> 00:54:12,823
The only thing I don't like more
is a queer wise guy.

882
00:54:12,998 --> 00:54:16,297
I'm calling the shots now,
and I'm getting under your bed.

883
00:54:16,935 --> 00:54:20,894
- Uh, where am I supposed to be?
- On top of it, stupid.

884
00:54:21,073 --> 00:54:25,373
Oh, that sounds fabulous. What then?

885
00:54:27,613 --> 00:54:29,376
You know.

886
00:54:29,782 --> 00:54:32,307
Do what you have to do.

887
00:54:33,318 --> 00:54:35,843
- What's that?
- How should I know?

888
00:54:36,021 --> 00:54:38,251
Wiggle your fanny.
Shake your towel in his face.

889
00:54:38,423 --> 00:54:40,857
- Whose face?
- My brother-in-law's, you dummy.

890
00:54:41,026 --> 00:54:43,494
The guy I hired you to catch.

891
00:54:43,662 --> 00:54:47,530
Then I pop out, catching you both
in the act of fragrant <i>delicto</i>...

892
00:54:47,699 --> 00:54:49,929
...and, wham, we got him.
- Your brother-in-law.

893
00:54:50,102 --> 00:54:52,935
Who else?
Jesus, you're like talking to a yo-yo.

894
00:54:53,505 --> 00:54:56,167
- Dumb and dizzy, that's me, darling.
- Jesus!

895
00:54:56,341 --> 00:54:58,935
Listen, that's just a little more
of that gay humor.

896
00:54:59,111 --> 00:55:01,204
All right, all right, all right.

897
00:55:01,380 --> 00:55:03,007
Now...

898
00:55:03,182 --> 00:55:05,173
...you go back to 201.

899
00:55:05,984 --> 00:55:07,417
Hey, wait a minute.

900
00:55:07,586 --> 00:55:09,884
- No. Not yet.
- No.

901
00:55:10,989 --> 00:55:12,581
When you get there...

902
00:55:12,758 --> 00:55:14,020
...you whistle like this:

903
00:55:14,193 --> 00:55:15,490
[WHISTLES]

904
00:55:15,761 --> 00:55:17,661
I hightail it to your room,
slide under...

905
00:55:17,830 --> 00:55:19,889
...and we're in business, got that?
- Check.

906
00:55:20,065 --> 00:55:23,159
- It's about time.
- Only I can't whistle.

907
00:55:23,335 --> 00:55:25,064
Goddamn it, you can't whistle either?

908
00:55:25,237 --> 00:55:26,932
I thought all dicks could whistle.

909
00:55:27,105 --> 00:55:28,470
Just "Stormy weather."

910
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:30,335
Look, I tell you what, Mr...

911
00:55:30,509 --> 00:55:32,943
- vespucci. Carmine vespucci.
- Carmine vespu...

912
00:55:33,111 --> 00:55:35,579
only don't call me that.
He might hear us.

913
00:55:35,747 --> 00:55:39,012
- I need a code name.
- Evelyn.

914
00:55:40,118 --> 00:55:41,346
[SIGHS]

915
00:55:42,321 --> 00:55:43,549
No, I don't like Evelyn.

916
00:55:44,523 --> 00:55:46,252
It sounds...

917
00:55:46,425 --> 00:55:47,517
...effeminate.

918
00:55:47,693 --> 00:55:49,661
How about Bunny?

919
00:55:50,329 --> 00:55:51,728
Bunny's good.

920
00:55:51,897 --> 00:55:54,365
Bunny, you get under this bed.

921
00:55:54,533 --> 00:55:56,228
That way, I won't have to whistle...

922
00:55:56,401 --> 00:55:58,596
...and you won't have to hightail it
to 201.

923
00:56:00,505 --> 00:56:03,872
Hey, maybe you're not so dumb
after all, Brick.

924
00:56:04,042 --> 00:56:05,441
Hey, hey, hey.

925
00:56:05,611 --> 00:56:07,010
I'll tell you...

926
00:56:07,179 --> 00:56:11,479
I'll tell you one thing,
with Papa gone now...

927
00:56:16,121 --> 00:56:17,748
Papa!

928
00:56:17,923 --> 00:56:19,220
[CRYING]

929
00:56:28,901 --> 00:56:33,929
I ain't sharing no vespucci Sanitation
Services and Enterprises Inc. With no fairy.

930
00:56:34,106 --> 00:56:36,802
- Your brother-in-law's a fairy?
- He's gonna be.

931
00:56:36,975 --> 00:56:38,567
- What are you gonna do?
- Kill him.

932
00:56:38,744 --> 00:56:39,904
Oh, good.

933
00:56:40,078 --> 00:56:42,842
You know what a <i>delitto di passione</i> is,
Brick?

934
00:56:43,015 --> 00:56:44,778
It's a crime of passion.

935
00:56:44,950 --> 00:56:46,349
An enraged brother...

936
00:56:46,518 --> 00:56:52,150
...catching his dear, sweet sister's
balding, fat, slob husband...

937
00:56:52,324 --> 00:56:56,488
...in an unnatural act with one of
these fruitcakes from around here.

938
00:56:56,662 --> 00:56:58,425
[LAUGHING]

939
00:57:00,065 --> 00:57:02,590
There ain't no court in the country
that would convict.

940
00:57:02,768 --> 00:57:04,963
Twenty years I waited
for this night, Brick.

941
00:57:05,137 --> 00:57:07,662
You're looking at a man
of great and terrible passions.

942
00:57:07,839 --> 00:57:11,104
- Well, I can see that, Bunny.
CARMINE: What happened?

943
00:57:11,276 --> 00:57:14,143
That's how you do it around here.
Now get under this bed.

944
00:57:14,313 --> 00:57:16,440
CARMINE: Yeah.
- Yeah, go ahead. Get under the bed.

945
00:57:16,615 --> 00:57:19,607
I'll leave this door open,
you see, so he can come in.

946
00:57:19,785 --> 00:57:21,810
Go ahead. I'll be right up here on top.

947
00:57:21,987 --> 00:57:25,980
- Now, shh. Don't say another word now.
CARMINE: Right.

948
00:57:33,031 --> 00:57:35,898
ABE [OVER P.A.]: <i>Tonight's</i>
<i>double feature in our mini cinema...</i>

949
00:57:36,068 --> 00:57:39,560
<i>... is</i> All About Eve
<i>and</i> A Star Is Born.

950
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:44,138
Hey, you know any good stories?

951
00:57:44,309 --> 00:57:46,174
- As a matter of fact, I do, sir.
- Skip it.

952
00:57:46,345 --> 00:57:47,471
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

953
00:57:47,646 --> 00:57:49,273
That must be him.

954
00:57:49,448 --> 00:57:51,177
Hold your horses, stud.

955
00:57:51,783 --> 00:57:52,977
It's open.

956
00:57:54,853 --> 00:57:56,081
Oh.

957
00:57:56,254 --> 00:57:58,848
BRICK:
See something you like, buddy?

958
00:57:59,725 --> 00:58:00,919
You've gotta be kidding.

959
00:58:01,293 --> 00:58:02,885
False alarm, Mr. Vespucci.

960
00:58:03,061 --> 00:58:05,222
CHRIS: Where is your friend?
- He's under the bed.

961
00:58:05,397 --> 00:58:07,592
Why not? Everybody else is.

962
00:58:08,633 --> 00:58:11,261
I always wondered
what you straight guys did together.

963
00:58:12,404 --> 00:58:14,395
Oh, now that I know,
I'm so glad I'm gay.

964
00:58:14,573 --> 00:58:18,134
Oh, yeah, that brother-in-law
of yours, that maniac?

965
00:58:18,310 --> 00:58:20,244
- Yeah. He's just down the hall.
- What?

966
00:58:20,412 --> 00:58:21,936
- And he's got a gun.
- What?

967
00:58:22,114 --> 00:58:23,945
Now he's after you, Mr. Vespucci.

968
00:58:24,116 --> 00:58:25,674
You didn't mention anything
about a gun.

969
00:58:25,851 --> 00:58:26,840
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

970
00:58:27,019 --> 00:58:28,043
CHRIS:
That's him.

971
00:58:28,220 --> 00:58:29,983
- I'm scared.
- You're scared? Move over.

972
00:58:30,155 --> 00:58:31,281
- No room.
- I can fit.

973
00:58:31,456 --> 00:58:33,117
- I was here first.
- It's my brother-in-law.

974
00:58:33,291 --> 00:58:34,383
- It's my ass.

975
00:58:34,559 --> 00:58:36,686
PROCLO:
Answer the door.

976
00:58:40,399 --> 00:58:42,128
- Where you going?
- It's not him.

977
00:58:42,300 --> 00:58:44,325
- Who is it?
- It's that transvestite again.

978
00:58:44,503 --> 00:58:46,437
What are you talking about?

979
00:58:46,605 --> 00:58:48,766
Oh, hello.

980
00:58:49,207 --> 00:58:53,268
- Who's there?
GOOGIE: I know you're in there, <i>chico</i>.

981
00:59:00,419 --> 00:59:02,353
- Now, look.
- Shh!

982
00:59:02,954 --> 00:59:05,684
Don't speak. Don't say nothing.

983
00:59:05,857 --> 00:59:07,848
Say one word,
then Googie is out on her ass.

984
00:59:08,026 --> 00:59:10,620
She is breaking every book
in the rule doing this.

985
00:59:10,796 --> 00:59:13,060
Do you know why
you don't like women?

986
00:59:13,231 --> 00:59:15,631
Because you never try it, that's all.

987
00:59:15,801 --> 00:59:17,530
Or maybe you try it and that's why.

988
00:59:17,702 --> 00:59:20,603
She was a bad woman.
Forget her. Believe me, <i>chico</i>.

989
00:59:21,039 --> 00:59:22,836
It don't hurt. It's nice.

990
00:59:23,008 --> 00:59:26,171
You just lay back there,
and Googie is going to show you how nice.

991
00:59:26,344 --> 00:59:29,211
- Look, I'd like to help you out...
- All right, all right. Shh.

992
00:59:32,484 --> 00:59:34,315
Think...

993
00:59:34,486 --> 00:59:36,351
...of a tropical night.

994
00:59:38,757 --> 00:59:40,452
Think...

995
00:59:40,625 --> 00:59:41,853
...of a beach.

996
00:59:42,027 --> 00:59:43,517
What "bitch"?

997
00:59:43,695 --> 00:59:46,994
The moon is shining on the sea.

998
00:59:47,165 --> 00:59:52,899
And in the distance, over the waves,
you hear music.

999
00:59:54,306 --> 00:59:55,568
[SINGING]

1000
01:00:05,817 --> 01:00:08,081
[GOOGIE, CHRIS
AND BRICK SINGING]

1001
01:00:20,932 --> 01:00:24,834
This is not gonna work, Mr. Googie.

1002
01:00:25,737 --> 01:00:28,035
- Mr. Googie?
- There's just no way.

1003
01:00:28,206 --> 01:00:30,470
Mr. Googie?

1004
01:00:30,642 --> 01:00:33,611
You thought I was a drag queen?

1005
01:00:33,778 --> 01:00:36,338
No such luck, <i>chico</i>.

1006
01:00:36,515 --> 01:00:38,881
You mean to tell me
that you're really a miss?

1007
01:00:41,486 --> 01:00:46,583
This is all real.

1008
01:00:49,995 --> 01:00:52,327
Yeah, they feel real.

1009
01:00:52,497 --> 01:00:55,398
I just hope I'm going to find me
some <i>huevitos.</i>

1010
01:00:55,567 --> 01:00:57,296
- What are <i>huevitos?</i>
- These.

1011
01:00:57,469 --> 01:00:58,902
- Oh!
- Aye!

1012
01:00:59,070 --> 01:01:00,833
- Oh, <i>chico</i>.
- Oh, no.

1013
01:01:01,006 --> 01:01:02,303
They're real too.

1014
01:01:02,474 --> 01:01:05,375
I know we're going to make such
whoopee together, <i>chico</i>.

1015
01:01:05,544 --> 01:01:07,375
- No, there's one thing wrong.
- Yes.

1016
01:01:07,546 --> 01:01:10,071
My brother-in-law's out to kill
and somebody's under this bed.

1017
01:01:10,248 --> 01:01:13,479
Oh, no, you don't. I'm not falling
for that old hat-and-dance routine.

1018
01:01:13,652 --> 01:01:15,916
You're not pulling no wool
over my ears so easy.

1019
01:01:16,087 --> 01:01:17,987
I swear to God there is.

1020
01:01:18,156 --> 01:01:21,216
- Never try to shit an old pro, <i>chico.</i>
BRICK: He's not.

1021
01:01:21,393 --> 01:01:22,655
There is someone
under this bed.

1022
01:01:22,827 --> 01:01:27,059
Us. If you wanna bounce around up there,
I'll gladly go back to my own room.

1023
01:01:27,232 --> 01:01:29,132
That is a rotten stunt, mister.

1024
01:01:29,301 --> 01:01:31,030
I could lose my job for this.

1025
01:01:31,203 --> 01:01:33,637
I throw the whole wind
into the caution to come here.

1026
01:01:33,805 --> 01:01:36,638
- Look, I can explain every...
- I don't need no explain.

1027
01:01:36,808 --> 01:01:37,797
You would rather make:

1028
01:01:37,976 --> 01:01:39,637
Hee, hee, hee, poo,
poo, poo, ha, ha, ha...

1029
01:01:39,811 --> 01:01:42,302
...with that <i>maric�n</i> you
got hiding under the bed.

1030
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:44,778
- Two <i>maric�ns</i>, Googie.
- Who's that down there?

1031
01:01:44,950 --> 01:01:45,939
CHRIS:
It's me, Chris.

1032
01:01:46,117 --> 01:01:49,143
Oh, hi, Chris.
What are you doing down there?

1033
01:01:49,321 --> 01:01:50,948
- I wish I knew.
- You lose something?

1034
01:01:51,122 --> 01:01:52,885
BRICK:
See, the reason we're under this bed...

1035
01:01:53,058 --> 01:01:59,258
You. Not only do you got a fat boyfriend,
you <i>maric�n</i> hump, you got a mean one.

1036
01:01:59,798 --> 01:02:01,959
I'm not his boyfriend and I'm not gay.

1037
01:02:02,133 --> 01:02:04,761
With a voice like that,
you're no straight arrow neither.

1038
01:02:04,936 --> 01:02:06,369
I was born with this voice.

1039
01:02:06,538 --> 01:02:08,563
So was Yma Sumac.

1040
01:02:08,740 --> 01:02:10,002
[PROCLO GRUNTING]

1041
01:02:10,175 --> 01:02:12,473
Where do you think you're going?

1042
01:02:12,644 --> 01:02:14,839
I'm just someone
in a lot of trouble, see.

1043
01:02:15,013 --> 01:02:16,844
You're not staying for my second show?

1044
01:02:17,015 --> 01:02:19,381
I am not a producer.
It was your two friends' idea.

1045
01:02:19,551 --> 01:02:20,540
Wait a...

1046
01:02:20,719 --> 01:02:22,414
Hey.

1047
01:02:22,587 --> 01:02:24,214
- Wait a minute.
- Hmm?

1048
01:02:25,390 --> 01:02:27,950
- Seymour Pippin.
- Who?

1049
01:02:28,126 --> 01:02:34,531
You don't fire Googie Gomez from no show
and get away with it, you bastard.

1050
01:02:34,699 --> 01:02:36,428
You think I forget your face?

1051
01:02:36,601 --> 01:02:38,398
I'm gonna tear all of your eyes out.

1052
01:02:38,570 --> 01:02:40,629
That's Mr. Vespucci.

1053
01:02:41,473 --> 01:02:43,498
- You promise?
- I promise.

1054
01:02:44,109 --> 01:02:47,010
Oh, what do you know?
I thought it was Seymour Pippin.

1055
01:02:47,178 --> 01:02:48,577
[KNOCKING ON DOOR
THEN GOOGIE GASPS]

1056
01:02:56,755 --> 01:02:58,154
It's for you.

1057
01:03:00,892 --> 01:03:03,156
BRICK: If it's him, Mr. Vespucci,
you just give me...

1058
01:03:14,906 --> 01:03:17,636
what the hell happened to you?
You said you'd be on top.

1059
01:03:17,809 --> 01:03:20,369
I've been under that damn bed so long
I can hardly walk.

1060
01:03:20,545 --> 01:03:23,639
- See something you like, buddy?
CARMINE: What the...?

1061
01:03:23,815 --> 01:03:25,339
You looking for a good time, Mac?

1062
01:03:25,917 --> 01:03:29,284
You're not Brick. Where's Brick?
What have you done to him?

1063
01:03:29,988 --> 01:03:30,977
Lie down.

1064
01:03:31,156 --> 01:03:32,623
Get your hands off me.

1065
01:03:32,791 --> 01:03:34,281
[BED SPRINGS RATTLING]

1066
01:03:35,860 --> 01:03:38,920
- Somebody's under there.
- Just lie down and stretch out on the bed.

1067
01:03:39,097 --> 01:03:41,725
CARMINE: What are you doing?
BRICK: I'm trying to seduce you.

1068
01:03:41,900 --> 01:03:43,959
CARMINE: Get your hands off,
I'll lay your head open.

1069
01:03:44,135 --> 01:03:45,864
BRICK: Is it him, Mr. Vespucci?
CARMINE: Yes.

1070
01:03:46,037 --> 01:03:47,561
Vespucci? I'm vespucci.

1071
01:03:47,739 --> 01:03:49,502
BRICK: Is it?
PROCLO: Yes, it's him, it's him.

1072
01:03:49,674 --> 01:03:52,905
I know that voice. What the hell is this?

1073
01:03:53,078 --> 01:03:56,047
One of them goddamn "transvestitites,"
sure you are.

1074
01:03:56,214 --> 01:03:59,650
Seymour Pippin.

1075
01:03:59,818 --> 01:04:02,582
I kill you, <i>pendejo</i>.
I tear your eyes out.

1076
01:04:02,754 --> 01:04:05,245
You think you can fire Googie Gomez
from a show...

1077
01:04:05,423 --> 01:04:07,254
...and get away with it, you bastard?

1078
01:04:07,425 --> 01:04:08,790
[GOOGIE SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

1079
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,428
Hey, fight fair, you faggot.

1080
01:04:14,566 --> 01:04:17,364
You lay one hand on her, Mr. Proclo,
and I'm gonna break...

1081
01:04:17,535 --> 01:04:20,095
- Proclo? Proclo?
- Get him, for chrissake.

1082
01:04:21,139 --> 01:04:23,699
Step aside, miss.

1083
01:04:26,978 --> 01:04:28,343
[GIBBERING]

1084
01:04:38,390 --> 01:04:39,755
[SQUEALING]

1085
01:04:46,431 --> 01:04:47,796
[GLASS SHATTERING]

1086
01:04:53,505 --> 01:04:54,995
PROCLO:
Get me out of here, will you?

1087
01:04:55,173 --> 01:04:57,164
Oh, we were just starting
to have such fun.

1088
01:04:57,342 --> 01:04:59,742
Hey, do you know something?

1089
01:04:59,911 --> 01:05:02,675
This man is not Seymour Pippin neither.

1090
01:05:02,847 --> 01:05:05,213
- I wonder who he is?
- It's my brother-in-law.

1091
01:05:05,383 --> 01:05:06,372
[GASPS]

1092
01:05:06,551 --> 01:05:09,315
- Is he in show business?
- No, he's in garbage.

1093
01:05:09,487 --> 01:05:11,284
A gay garbage man?

1094
01:05:13,158 --> 01:05:14,147
I'm a detective.

1095
01:05:17,662 --> 01:05:19,254
Mr. Vespucci here hired me...

1096
01:05:19,431 --> 01:05:22,298
...to get something on his brother-in-law,
Mr. Proclo here.

1097
01:05:22,467 --> 01:05:26,062
So that Mr. Proclo won't inherit half
of the family business.

1098
01:05:26,237 --> 01:05:28,637
So that's it.

1099
01:05:29,140 --> 01:05:30,129
GOOGIE: Amigo.
- I'll kill...

1100
01:05:30,308 --> 01:05:31,297
GOOGIE:
No, no, no.

1101
01:05:31,476 --> 01:05:34,468
Mr. Vespucci wanted to catch
Mr. Proclo and I together...

1102
01:05:34,646 --> 01:05:38,514
...so that he could commit
<i>a delitto di passione.</i>

1103
01:05:38,683 --> 01:05:42,210
- Look out now, you'll be in the picture.
- Oh, picture. What picture?

1104
01:05:42,387 --> 01:05:45,686
Hey. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

1105
01:05:45,857 --> 01:05:48,052
I see what you do.

1106
01:05:48,226 --> 01:05:50,786
If that man want to be here,
let him be here.

1107
01:05:50,962 --> 01:05:51,951
What do you care?

1108
01:05:52,130 --> 01:05:54,758
Listen, I don't stand still
for no blackmail.

1109
01:05:54,933 --> 01:05:58,369
I tell Tiger and Duff what you do
and you are on your ass, big boy.

1110
01:05:58,536 --> 01:06:00,697
And I thought you were nice.

1111
01:06:00,872 --> 01:06:02,863
Come on, Chris.

1112
01:06:03,241 --> 01:06:04,765
I still like Evelyn.

1113
01:06:06,678 --> 01:06:09,078
- Happy birthday, honey.
- Thank you.

1114
01:06:09,414 --> 01:06:10,904
Can't you hit him again?

1115
01:06:11,082 --> 01:06:13,642
Oh, come on now, Mr. Vespucci,
that wouldn't be ethical.

1116
01:06:13,818 --> 01:06:15,410
Ethical?

1117
01:06:15,587 --> 01:06:19,079
Your line of work and you're telling me
what's ethical? Come on.

1118
01:06:19,257 --> 01:06:21,418
Well, you really blew it this time,
Carmine.

1119
01:06:21,593 --> 01:06:26,462
By the time you get out of this place,
I'll be in Cleveland with vivian and the kids.

1120
01:06:26,631 --> 01:06:30,089
Fat man in 201. Come and get it.
He's all yours.

1121
01:06:30,268 --> 01:06:33,635
Fat man in 201. Come and get it.
He's all yours.

1122
01:06:34,138 --> 01:06:36,606
Fat man in 201.

1123
01:06:36,774 --> 01:06:39,174
Fat man in 201.

1124
01:06:39,344 --> 01:06:40,504
[PHoNE RINGS]

1125
01:06:40,678 --> 01:06:41,872
Come and get it.

1126
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:43,269
Hello?

1127
01:06:43,448 --> 01:06:46,144
I'll fix you. You'll get nowhere
without your clothes.

1128
01:06:46,317 --> 01:06:48,444
- Come and get it.
BRICK: Michael Brick speaking.

1129
01:06:48,620 --> 01:06:50,247
Fat man in 201.

1130
01:06:50,421 --> 01:06:51,718
BRICK:
I'll see if I can find him.

1131
01:06:51,890 --> 01:06:53,881
- It's for you, Mr. Vespucci.
PROCLO: Who is it?

1132
01:06:54,492 --> 01:06:56,289
Who is this, please?

1133
01:06:56,461 --> 01:06:58,452
It's Mrs. Proclo calling from a bar
across the street.

1134
01:06:58,630 --> 01:07:02,726
Shh. Mrs. Proclo?
My God, that's vivian.

1135
01:07:02,901 --> 01:07:04,596
Tell her I left.

1136
01:07:04,769 --> 01:07:07,966
I'm sorry, Mrs. Proclo, but he just left.

1137
01:07:08,139 --> 01:07:09,197
She doesn't believe me.

1138
01:07:09,374 --> 01:07:10,898
Tell her she has to believe you.

1139
01:07:11,075 --> 01:07:13,771
He says you have to believe me, Mrs...

1140
01:07:14,512 --> 01:07:17,276
She says she's coming over now.
Nothing's gonna stop her.

1141
01:07:17,448 --> 01:07:20,076
She's putting on a man's hat and coat.

1142
01:07:20,385 --> 01:07:22,148
Hello?

1143
01:07:22,754 --> 01:07:25,621
- I didn't even get to tell her the good news.
- What good news?

1144
01:07:25,790 --> 01:07:28,224
We got our man.

1145
01:07:36,501 --> 01:07:38,093
MAN:
I'm sorry, mister, but you can't...

1146
01:07:38,269 --> 01:07:39,361
oh! Ow! Ooh.

1147
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:51,111
MAN:
You take the next one, will you?

1148
01:07:55,887 --> 01:07:57,479
[CLAUDE MOANING]

1149
01:08:03,661 --> 01:08:05,185
I'm giving you one more chance.

1150
01:08:05,363 --> 01:08:07,627
I don't know about you, Claude.
I'm in desperate...

1151
01:08:07,799 --> 01:08:09,630
- Did you say Claude?
- I never said that.

1152
01:08:09,801 --> 01:08:11,428
- Wait a minute. What...?
- No.

1153
01:08:11,603 --> 01:08:15,130
- Guy. Guy. It's you, Guy.
- Absolutely no.

1154
01:08:15,306 --> 01:08:19,037
Gaetano Proclo. The 5th division,
special services, the Philippines.

1155
01:08:19,210 --> 01:08:20,404
I was 4-F. I never served.

1156
01:08:20,578 --> 01:08:23,979
No, no. It's me, Claude. Claude Perkins.

1157
01:08:24,148 --> 01:08:25,342
Get away from me, Claude.

1158
01:08:25,516 --> 01:08:27,143
That's right. Get-Away-From-Me Claude.

1159
01:08:27,318 --> 01:08:28,512
[GRUNTS]

1160
01:08:28,686 --> 01:08:31,678
We had an act together.
A trio with Nelson Carpenter.

1161
01:08:31,856 --> 01:08:35,189
We pantomimed to Andrews Sisters'
records, remember? "Rum And Coca-Cola."

1162
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:36,622
[SINGING]

1163
01:08:36,794 --> 01:08:40,560
The Andrews Sisters?
I hate the Andrews Sisters.

1164
01:08:41,733 --> 01:08:43,325
You hate the Andrews Sisters?

1165
01:08:43,501 --> 01:08:47,665
Look, mister, I'm in desperate trouble
and I wish you'd leave. Now get out.

1166
01:08:47,839 --> 01:08:50,706
Wait till I write Nelson Carpenter
about this.

1167
01:08:50,875 --> 01:08:54,174
ABE [OVER P.A.]:
<i>313 coming up. That is 313.</i>

1168
01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:57,346
You're not gonna believe
what's coming up, boys.

1169
01:08:57,515 --> 01:08:59,483
It's vivian.

1170
01:08:59,851 --> 01:09:04,515
There are other fat fish in the ocean,
Gaetano Proclo.

1171
01:09:04,689 --> 01:09:07,214
And 313 may just be one of them.

1172
01:09:07,392 --> 01:09:10,919
Not 313, Claude. Don't touch 313.

1173
01:09:11,095 --> 01:09:13,723
Just not 313, Claude.

1174
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:16,731
[PHONE RINGING
IN DISTANCE]

1175
01:09:22,140 --> 01:09:25,769
Oh, I had a hunch it would be bad
but nothing like this.

1176
01:09:27,145 --> 01:09:28,976
- Welcome to the city morgue.
- Aah!

1177
01:09:29,147 --> 01:09:31,707
Oh, forget it, mister.
That is not my scene.

1178
01:09:36,854 --> 01:09:38,549
[GASPS]

1179
01:09:43,361 --> 01:09:46,728
CLAUDE:
Looking for 313?

1180
01:09:48,933 --> 01:09:51,026
Right this way.

1181
01:09:51,335 --> 01:09:52,859
[CLAUDE STAMMERING]

1182
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:59,266
I know it's this way.
It's around the corridor.

1183
01:09:59,444 --> 01:10:02,345
Here we go, 313, right...

1184
01:10:02,513 --> 01:10:04,572
That's it.

1185
01:10:16,861 --> 01:10:21,389
Jellyroll baby.
You're my jellyroll man.

1186
01:10:21,566 --> 01:10:22,828
[VIVIAN SCREAMING
THEN THUD]

1187
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:24,524
[CLAUDE Mo ANS]

1188
01:10:42,653 --> 01:10:45,349
You... I'm gonna kill you, you bastard.

1189
01:10:45,523 --> 01:10:48,651
You son of a bitch,
I'll break every goddamn bone in your...

1190
01:10:48,826 --> 01:10:50,191
MAN 1 [oN RADIo]:
<i>- Or eight-track tapes.</i>

1191
01:10:50,361 --> 01:10:54,957
<i>That's right, 500 all-time favorite</i>
<i>super hits for only 9.95.</i>

1192
01:10:55,133 --> 01:10:56,828
MAN 2 [ON RADIO]:
<i>The first lady was in town...</i>

1193
01:10:57,001 --> 01:10:58,332
[GUNSHOT]

1194
01:11:00,404 --> 01:11:02,736
CARMINE:
My clothes. Somebody stole my clothes.

1195
01:11:03,341 --> 01:11:05,605
Okay, Gaetano, I know you're in here.

1196
01:11:05,777 --> 01:11:07,972
I'm gonna find you,
if it's the last thing I do.

1197
01:11:08,813 --> 01:11:10,678
CLAUDE:
All right, all right, all right.

1198
01:11:10,848 --> 01:11:14,716
Just lie there like a beached whale.

1199
01:11:14,886 --> 01:11:17,855
Look, I'd love to stay here
and play Sleeping Beauty with you...

1200
01:11:18,022 --> 01:11:20,991
...but I've gotta get ready
for the talent contest.

1201
01:11:21,159 --> 01:11:24,219
What's in the bag?
You bring your own lunch?

1202
01:11:33,271 --> 01:11:35,603
What becomes a legend most?

1203
01:11:36,274 --> 01:11:37,969
[SINGING]

1204
01:11:51,856 --> 01:11:53,346
[APPLAUSE]

1205
01:12:05,870 --> 01:12:07,132
Thank you.

1206
01:12:07,305 --> 01:12:10,035
ABE [OVER P.A.]: <i>Just a reminder,</i>
<i>it is amateur night at the Ritz.</i>

1207
01:12:10,208 --> 01:12:12,176
Oh, well, you can say that again.

1208
01:12:12,343 --> 01:12:13,503
Brick.

1209
01:12:14,512 --> 01:12:18,505
Oh, hi, there, Bunny. How's tricks?
Hey, listen, is that thing loaded?

1210
01:12:18,683 --> 01:12:20,947
You're lucky I'm not using it on you.
Where is he?

1211
01:12:21,118 --> 01:12:22,517
- Who?
- My brother-in-law, dick.

1212
01:12:22,687 --> 01:12:23,676
He was just here.

1213
01:12:23,855 --> 01:12:27,086
- And?
- He went right in there.

1214
01:12:27,258 --> 01:12:30,386
All right, get out of here.
Get out of here.

1215
01:12:30,795 --> 01:12:31,819
CLAUDE:
Oh!

1216
01:12:31,996 --> 01:12:34,624
- Who is it?
- You know goddamn well who it is.

1217
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:36,789
[CLAUDE SQUEALS]

1218
01:12:36,968 --> 01:12:39,459
Jellyroll baby, you're my jell...

1219
01:12:39,637 --> 01:12:42,504
Get out of here, you son of a bitch.
Get out of here.

1220
01:12:42,673 --> 01:12:44,300
Get out of here.

1221
01:12:46,043 --> 01:12:48,807
Okay, Gaetano, the jig's up.

1222
01:12:48,980 --> 01:12:50,311
[MOANING]

1223
01:13:03,494 --> 01:13:05,894
CARMINE: Vivian? Vivian, baby,
what have they done to you?

1224
01:13:06,063 --> 01:13:07,360
Sis, speak to me.

1225
01:13:07,531 --> 01:13:10,694
Those crazy fairies.
They molested my sister.

1226
01:13:10,868 --> 01:13:13,701
Oh, you crazy fairies, I'm gonna kill you.

1227
01:13:13,871 --> 01:13:17,637
I'll kill every last one of you.
Where are you?

1228
01:13:19,310 --> 01:13:20,709
No. No.

1229
01:13:28,619 --> 01:13:29,813
[MUSIC PLAYING
ON JUKEBOX]

1230
01:13:30,855 --> 01:13:34,154
- Your brother-in-law means business.
- What do you think I'm doing here?

1231
01:13:34,325 --> 01:13:36,589
CHRIS: You just gonna sit there?
- What's the use?

1232
01:13:36,761 --> 01:13:38,228
Well, wear a disguise.

1233
01:13:38,396 --> 01:13:41,593
I am. I thought you were mad at me.

1234
01:13:41,766 --> 01:13:44,394
I am, but I prefer you alive to dead.
I'm funny that way.

1235
01:13:44,568 --> 01:13:47,867
- Claude.
- Oh, sure, now you know me.

1236
01:13:48,039 --> 01:13:49,165
PROCLO:
You gotta help me.

1237
01:13:49,340 --> 01:13:52,036
I am entered in a talent contest.
I've gotta get ready.

1238
01:13:52,209 --> 01:13:54,200
My brother-in-law is here with a gun.

1239
01:13:54,378 --> 01:13:55,640
DSo that's who that maniac was.

1240
01:13:55,813 --> 01:13:56,837
[GUNSHoT]

1241
01:13:57,014 --> 01:13:58,606
CARMINE: Brick, where are you?
- Look out.

1242
01:13:59,283 --> 01:14:00,545
CARMINE:
I'm gonna get you.

1243
01:14:00,718 --> 01:14:02,310
Come on out now. I'll get you.

1244
01:14:03,354 --> 01:14:05,345
[GUNSHOT]

1245
01:14:09,327 --> 01:14:13,161
VIVIAN: Carmine, no. No.
CARMINE: All right, I'm coming.

1246
01:14:13,497 --> 01:14:17,763
VIVIAN:
No. Carmine. No!

1247
01:14:17,935 --> 01:14:19,334
- No. No!
- What is it?

1248
01:14:19,503 --> 01:14:20,492
- What is it?
- No.

1249
01:14:20,671 --> 01:14:21,695
- What is it?
- My mink.

1250
01:14:21,872 --> 01:14:23,533
- Your mink?
- They've taken it.

1251
01:14:27,011 --> 01:14:29,343
Now, here's the plan.

1252
01:14:29,513 --> 01:14:31,413
You've gotta be Nelson Carpenter.

1253
01:14:31,582 --> 01:14:33,209
- Who?
- One of the Andrews Sisters.

1254
01:14:33,384 --> 01:14:35,579
Nelson Carpenter
was one of the Andrews Sisters?

1255
01:14:35,753 --> 01:14:36,845
It's a routine.

1256
01:14:37,021 --> 01:14:38,921
I don't know
any Andrews Sisters' routine.

1257
01:14:39,090 --> 01:14:41,149
Neither did he.
Nelson and I carried you.

1258
01:14:41,325 --> 01:14:42,417
It'll never work.

1259
01:14:42,593 --> 01:14:43,821
[CARMINE GRUNTING
THEN CLAUDE SQUEALS]

1260
01:14:43,995 --> 01:14:44,984
[GUNSHOT]

1261
01:14:45,162 --> 01:14:47,995
CLAUDE: He'll never catch us down there.
CARMINE: You'll have wings.

1262
01:14:52,603 --> 01:14:53,661
[WHISTLES]

1263
01:14:54,305 --> 01:14:57,866
Get in here and don't let anyone out.

1264
01:15:07,818 --> 01:15:09,649
Yeah?

1265
01:15:09,854 --> 01:15:11,287
[MOUTHING DIALOGUE]

1266
01:15:18,162 --> 01:15:20,027
Hold it.

1267
01:15:24,969 --> 01:15:26,527
[DOOR OPENS]

1268
01:15:44,488 --> 01:15:45,614
[SINGING]

1269
01:15:56,634 --> 01:15:57,794
[YAWNING]

1270
01:16:10,081 --> 01:16:11,343
[APPLAUSE]

1271
01:16:15,619 --> 01:16:18,486
GOOGIE: That was Guido
Cohen singing "vesti La Giubba"...

1272
01:16:18,656 --> 01:16:19,987
...from <i>Pagliacci</i>.
GUIDo: Terrible.

1273
01:16:20,157 --> 01:16:22,250
Don't be silly, you were wonderful.

1274
01:16:22,426 --> 01:16:24,223
GOOGIE:
Bravo, Guido, bravo.

1275
01:16:25,463 --> 01:16:29,331
Oh, it's going to be a close race tonight.

1276
01:16:29,500 --> 01:16:35,666
Our next contestant
is Mr. Sheldon Farethold.

1277
01:16:35,840 --> 01:16:38,866
Song stylist from north New Jersey.

1278
01:16:39,310 --> 01:16:41,540
- Here I go.
GOOGIE: Here he is. Sheldon.

1279
01:16:43,581 --> 01:16:45,014
[MUSIC PLAYING]

1280
01:16:45,249 --> 01:16:46,477
Huh?

1281
01:16:48,486 --> 01:16:49,817
[LIP-SYNCING]

1282
01:16:52,022 --> 01:16:53,216
Well, it's arbitrary.

1283
01:16:53,824 --> 01:16:56,156
Hey, Tony, take a look.

1284
01:17:05,169 --> 01:17:06,431
[MEN CHUCKLING]

1285
01:17:07,471 --> 01:17:09,063
I like the one in fur.

1286
01:17:10,007 --> 01:17:12,168
MAN:
It looks terrific.

1287
01:17:17,214 --> 01:17:19,876
Come on out, you fat slob.
Gaetano, I know you're in here.

1288
01:17:20,851 --> 01:17:23,183
Where are you? Expose yourself.

1289
01:17:24,221 --> 01:17:25,210
Oh, Jesus, no.

1290
01:17:26,056 --> 01:17:27,546
[GRUNTING]

1291
01:17:41,572 --> 01:17:44,040
- Come on.
- Come on, girl.

1292
01:17:44,208 --> 01:17:46,574
- Come on, girls.
PIE: Come on, honey, take it off.

1293
01:17:46,744 --> 01:17:50,874
Shake it, fat man. Shake it, baby.

1294
01:17:52,249 --> 01:17:54,217
[GUNSHOTS]

1295
01:17:55,653 --> 01:17:58,281
- Come on. What's happening?
- Get away from me.

1296
01:17:58,455 --> 01:17:59,649
- Get out.
- Come here.

1297
01:17:59,823 --> 01:18:01,120
Come here. Hide.

1298
01:18:08,165 --> 01:18:13,068
Everybody, slow down.
Nobody's going nowhere.

1299
01:18:13,304 --> 01:18:16,102
And give me some lights.
I wanna see who I'm talking to.

1300
01:18:16,273 --> 01:18:19,674
Not on me, you dumb fruit.
I want the room lights.

1301
01:18:22,980 --> 01:18:26,416
Okay. I want all the fairies in the pool.

1302
01:18:26,584 --> 01:18:28,779
- What about us butch types, boss?
- Shut up, you.

1303
01:18:28,953 --> 01:18:30,284
It's me, Bunny, Brick.

1304
01:18:30,454 --> 01:18:32,945
You're fired. Go on. Get in there.

1305
01:18:34,091 --> 01:18:37,151
- Bunny, my hair.
- Get in there.

1306
01:18:39,296 --> 01:18:41,025
[CLAUDE SQUEAKING]

1307
01:18:41,699 --> 01:18:45,135
Jesus, I can't believe it.
A good-Iooking, rugged boy like you.

1308
01:18:45,302 --> 01:18:47,532
- Believe what, sir?
- I believe it. Get going.

1309
01:18:48,639 --> 01:18:50,436
Come on.

1310
01:18:51,008 --> 01:18:52,134
VIVIAN:
Carmine, please.

1311
01:18:52,309 --> 01:18:53,571
CARMINE:
You shut up too, vivian.

1312
01:18:53,744 --> 01:18:55,302
I just want my mink.

1313
01:18:55,479 --> 01:18:56,946
You'll get your mink.

1314
01:18:57,114 --> 01:18:58,809
Will you let me handle this?

1315
01:18:58,983 --> 01:19:00,143
He's in here somewhere.

1316
01:19:00,317 --> 01:19:01,841
JOEY:
Wait a minute.

1317
01:19:02,453 --> 01:19:05,251
All this because some fat woman
who lost her mink?

1318
01:19:05,422 --> 01:19:07,788
One more word out of you,
you transvestitite...

1319
01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:09,550
what did you call me?

1320
01:19:09,960 --> 01:19:10,949
Careful, Googie.

1321
01:19:11,128 --> 01:19:12,823
You make me see red, mister.

1322
01:19:12,997 --> 01:19:16,091
And when I see red, I tear you apart.

1323
01:19:16,267 --> 01:19:18,565
Shit. You think I'm scared of a little gun?

1324
01:19:19,003 --> 01:19:20,971
BELICIC AND HUGSNY
NoT HUGGING]

1325
01:19:21,138 --> 01:19:22,230
That's okay, mister.

1326
01:19:22,406 --> 01:19:24,966
If you don't bother me,
I don't bother you.

1327
01:19:27,911 --> 01:19:30,402
CARMINE: All right, the rest
of you in there. Get in there.

1328
01:19:30,581 --> 01:19:31,980
Come on, in there.

1329
01:19:32,149 --> 01:19:34,709
Come on, get in there.
Get in there, all of you.

1330
01:19:34,885 --> 01:19:36,750
CARMINE:
All right, pool time, everybody.

1331
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:39,252
Come on, everybody. Come on. Come on.

1332
01:19:39,423 --> 01:19:40,720
You listen to me, idiots.

1333
01:19:40,891 --> 01:19:44,088
Seniors. I don't wanna see a dry fairy
in the house.

1334
01:19:44,261 --> 01:19:45,523
MAN 1:
Oh, my mascara's running.

1335
01:19:45,696 --> 01:19:47,755
MAN 2: Oh, God!
MAN 3: It's running.

1336
01:19:47,931 --> 01:19:49,592
MAN 1: What a night!
MAN 2: My leg...

1337
01:19:52,069 --> 01:19:54,333
Christ, another one.

1338
01:20:02,846 --> 01:20:05,906
You really know how to mess up
an act, you know that, mister?

1339
01:20:06,083 --> 01:20:09,109
- You know what they call people like you?
- Fashionable.

1340
01:20:09,620 --> 01:20:13,886
- Get in there. Get in there.
- All right, all right.

1341
01:20:21,298 --> 01:20:22,765
Well, I guess that makes it you.

1342
01:20:25,736 --> 01:20:27,567
Look at you!

1343
01:20:28,105 --> 01:20:30,369
I could vomit.

1344
01:20:31,575 --> 01:20:34,203
- Jesus, Mary and Joseph, is that her mink?
- Yeah.

1345
01:20:35,412 --> 01:20:37,573
CARMINE: All right, give it back.
VIVIAN: I don't want it.

1346
01:20:37,748 --> 01:20:40,945
That's not my Gaetano.
I wanna go home.

1347
01:20:41,118 --> 01:20:43,018
- Okay, Gaetano, the jig's up.
- All right.

1348
01:20:43,187 --> 01:20:44,415
Take the crap off.

1349
01:20:44,588 --> 01:20:47,785
The wig, the glasses, the moustache,
the mink. Everything.

1350
01:20:47,958 --> 01:20:48,982
Okay.

1351
01:20:49,426 --> 01:20:52,657
I want you all to meet
my splendid brother-in-law, Gaetano Proclo.

1352
01:20:52,830 --> 01:20:54,764
That's not Mr. Proclo. He is.

1353
01:20:54,932 --> 01:20:56,456
- Who is?
- You are.

1354
01:20:56,633 --> 01:20:58,328
Who? Who?

1355
01:20:58,769 --> 01:21:00,669
[CARMINE GRUNTING]

1356
01:21:00,838 --> 01:21:02,066
PROCLO:
Keep it quiet.

1357
01:21:05,342 --> 01:21:07,139
I don't wanna hear that voice.

1358
01:21:07,311 --> 01:21:08,938
[VIVIAN CRYING]

1359
01:21:09,113 --> 01:21:11,138
Don't cry, viv.

1360
01:21:12,850 --> 01:21:15,182
"Don't cry," he says.

1361
01:21:15,352 --> 01:21:19,049
Look at him like that,
telling me not to cry.

1362
01:21:19,223 --> 01:21:20,588
Do you want your coat back?

1363
01:21:20,758 --> 01:21:24,057
Oh, look at my husband,
the man in the mink coat.

1364
01:21:24,228 --> 01:21:28,631
Oh, I can't wait to go to bingo
with you like that next week.

1365
01:21:28,799 --> 01:21:31,768
But I won't be there, if God is merciful...

1366
01:21:31,935 --> 01:21:34,130
...because I'm gonna have
a heart attack here.

1367
01:21:34,304 --> 01:21:37,205
This is grounds for annulment, sis.
I asked Father Catini.

1368
01:21:37,374 --> 01:21:40,400
I don't want an annulment, I wanna die.

1369
01:21:40,577 --> 01:21:41,908
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]

1370
01:21:48,685 --> 01:21:54,248
Vivian. Vivian, what are you doing?
You can't even swim. Don't.

1371
01:21:55,826 --> 01:21:57,157
Well...

1372
01:21:57,327 --> 01:21:59,887
...is this what you wanted, Carmine?

1373
01:22:00,063 --> 01:22:02,725
Boy, I can understand you hating me
as a brother-in-law...

1374
01:22:02,900 --> 01:22:05,528
...but killing someone
over a garbage company?

1375
01:22:05,969 --> 01:22:08,665
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]

1376
01:22:11,608 --> 01:22:14,042
You're married to a flaming homo,
that's <i>perche...</i>

1377
01:22:14,211 --> 01:22:16,008
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]

1378
01:22:16,180 --> 01:22:19,513
- He came here tonight, didn't he?
- A cab driver brought me here.

1379
01:22:19,683 --> 01:22:20,945
Because you told him to.

1380
01:22:21,118 --> 01:22:22,676
I never heard of this place.

1381
01:22:22,853 --> 01:22:25,981
You see that, vivian? Even a cab driver
knows what a <i>fata</i> he is.

1382
01:22:26,156 --> 01:22:29,353
I just hope you're not gonna insist
on mentioning this in confession.

1383
01:22:30,027 --> 01:22:33,155
For my sake, for the children,
please, don't tell about this.

1384
01:22:33,330 --> 01:22:34,922
I wasn't planning to.

1385
01:22:35,098 --> 01:22:38,864
It's just a phase you're going through.
Last year, it was miniature golf.

1386
01:22:39,036 --> 01:22:42,130
How the hell do you prove something
like this to your own wife?

1387
01:22:42,306 --> 01:22:45,173
Okay, Carmine, I give up. You win.

1388
01:22:45,342 --> 01:22:48,277
Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.

1389
01:22:48,612 --> 01:22:50,842
Get off of me.

1390
01:22:51,014 --> 01:22:53,642
PROCLO:
Don't splash. Don't splash.

1391
01:22:55,886 --> 01:22:58,912
CARMINE: Get out of here,
you pest. Get out of here.

1392
01:22:59,656 --> 01:23:02,557
- Let's get out of here.
- Vivian, wait.

1393
01:23:02,726 --> 01:23:05,388
Don't you even speak to my sister.

1394
01:23:06,864 --> 01:23:09,628
Come on, let's get out of here.

1395
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:11,995
Thirty-seven thousand, five hundred
on the week.

1396
01:23:12,169 --> 01:23:15,832
The rain killed us tonight, and next week
we got the Jewish holidays coming up.

1397
01:23:16,006 --> 01:23:18,031
Well, good night, boss.

1398
01:23:18,642 --> 01:23:20,109
Who is that?

1399
01:23:20,277 --> 01:23:21,574
Oh, it was just a person.

1400
01:23:21,745 --> 01:23:25,203
- She called you "boss."
- A lot of people call me boss.

1401
01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:32,480
It's not what you're gonna think, vivian.

1402
01:23:32,956 --> 01:23:38,792
"Vespucci Enterprises, Inc.
Carmine vespucci, president."

1403
01:23:39,730 --> 01:23:42,164
- This is a statement.
- I was gonna tell you about it.

1404
01:23:42,332 --> 01:23:45,392
VIVIAN: We own this place?
- Papa done a lot of expanding.

1405
01:23:45,569 --> 01:23:47,867
We own this place, Guy.

1406
01:23:48,038 --> 01:23:50,836
He don't have to know.
This isn't the place to talk about it.

1407
01:23:51,008 --> 01:23:53,306
You knew what kind of place this was
all the time.

1408
01:23:53,477 --> 01:23:55,377
CARMINE:
So did he. That's why he came here.

1409
01:23:55,546 --> 01:23:58,106
I can't help it if we own it.
It was just a coincidence.

1410
01:23:58,282 --> 01:24:00,341
- What kind of a cab did you come in?
- What?

1411
01:24:00,517 --> 01:24:03,179
What kind of a cab did you come in?

1412
01:24:03,353 --> 01:24:06,584
- It was the opera. Aida Cab.
- Aida Cab.

1413
01:24:06,757 --> 01:24:09,487
- We own that company.
- We do?

1414
01:24:09,660 --> 01:24:11,491
What did the driver look like, Guy?

1415
01:24:11,662 --> 01:24:14,187
- All I remember about him is his stutter.
- His stutter?

1416
01:24:14,364 --> 01:24:17,856
- Yeah, he stuttered and smoked pot.
- Cousin Tito.

1417
01:24:18,035 --> 01:24:19,059
I should have guessed.

1418
01:24:19,236 --> 01:24:21,727
It's gonna be very hard
to forgive you for this.

1419
01:24:21,905 --> 01:24:23,304
I don't want no forgiving.

1420
01:24:23,473 --> 01:24:25,566
VIVIAN: Take the hit off of him, Carmine.
- Vivian!

1421
01:24:25,742 --> 01:24:26,731
- Take it off.
- No.

1422
01:24:26,910 --> 01:24:28,878
If you don't, I'm gonna tell Frankie...

1423
01:24:29,046 --> 01:24:32,174
...about you muscling in on the bingo
at the feast of St. Anthony's.

1424
01:24:32,349 --> 01:24:36,718
And he is gonna put a hit out on you
and you're gonna be wearing cement shoes.

1425
01:24:36,887 --> 01:24:40,914
There's gonna be more grief and less peace
in our fucking family than there already is.

1426
01:24:41,091 --> 01:24:44,686
- "Get Proclo." You heard Papa.
- I got Proclo. Now, take it off, Carmine.

1427
01:24:44,861 --> 01:24:45,850
I'll lose face.

1428
01:24:46,029 --> 01:24:49,465
- Not under the East River.
- Shit!

1429
01:24:49,633 --> 01:24:51,999
Now, I wanna see you two
forgive each other.

1430
01:24:52,169 --> 01:24:53,761
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

1431
01:24:54,271 --> 01:24:55,533
[PROCLO SCOFFING]

1432
01:24:57,341 --> 01:25:00,333
I wouldn't kiss him for a million dollars.

1433
01:25:00,510 --> 01:25:02,478
That's exactly what's it's worth, Guy.

1434
01:25:02,646 --> 01:25:05,376
- I wouldn't kiss him, period.
- For me. For me.

1435
01:25:05,549 --> 01:25:07,016
- Kiss. Kiss him.
- Hmm?

1436
01:25:07,184 --> 01:25:09,880
MAN 1: Yeah.
MAN 2: Kiss him.

1437
01:25:10,754 --> 01:25:12,051
MAN 3:
Come on, kiss.

1438
01:25:12,222 --> 01:25:13,553
Hey.

1439
01:25:13,724 --> 01:25:15,021
VIVIAN:
Kiss him, Carmine.

1440
01:25:15,192 --> 01:25:16,784
[STAMMERING]

1441
01:25:16,960 --> 01:25:19,485
PROCLO: Hey.
MAN 1: Hey.

1442
01:25:21,932 --> 01:25:24,093
MAN 2: Hey.
MAN 3: Hey.

1443
01:25:24,267 --> 01:25:25,757
MEN:
Hey!

1444
01:25:26,536 --> 01:25:28,970
[CARMINE SCREAMS
THEN GRUNTS]

1445
01:25:30,273 --> 01:25:31,433
[MEN CHEERING]

1446
01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:39,916
You can go
<i>fangoo</i>/ yourself, Carmine.

1447
01:25:40,083 --> 01:25:42,074
It's people like you
that belong in garbage.

1448
01:25:42,252 --> 01:25:45,551
It's people like me that just marry into it.
Get him out of here, men.

1449
01:25:45,722 --> 01:25:47,952
Into the steam room, girls.

1450
01:25:48,125 --> 01:25:50,093
[MEN SINGING]

1451
01:25:50,293 --> 01:25:51,351
CARMINE:
Hey, don't touch me.

1452
01:25:52,829 --> 01:25:55,024
Don't touch me.
Hey, you get your hands off me.

1453
01:25:55,198 --> 01:25:56,460
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
<i>Okay, everybody.</i>

1454
01:25:56,633 --> 01:26:00,797
<i>Tonight's talent contest has been won</i>
<i>by Claude Perkins and partners.</i>

1455
01:26:01,238 --> 01:26:02,398
TIGER:
We're sorry, Googie.

1456
01:26:02,572 --> 01:26:05,063
You build someone up like that
and it's all a lie.

1457
01:26:05,242 --> 01:26:07,574
That is a low-down,
dirty trick you've made.

1458
01:26:07,744 --> 01:26:09,336
Hey, do you believe that?

1459
01:26:09,513 --> 01:26:12,778
They told me
Mr. Big was going to be here tonight.

1460
01:26:12,949 --> 01:26:14,678
Who's Mr. Big?

1461
01:26:14,851 --> 01:26:16,250
Who's Mr. Big?

1462
01:26:16,420 --> 01:26:20,880
Only the man who produces miracles.
A producer, who else?

1463
01:26:21,058 --> 01:26:25,222
- My uncle's a producer, Miss Gomez.
- Oh, yeah?

1464
01:26:25,395 --> 01:26:26,953
- What's he produce?
- Shows.

1465
01:26:27,130 --> 01:26:30,293
Legitimate shows?
I don't do no dirty stuff.

1466
01:26:30,467 --> 01:26:34,028
Right now, I think he's casting <i>Oklahoma</i>
for a dinner theater.

1467
01:26:34,671 --> 01:26:38,163
<i>Oklahoma</i>.
It's a stretch, but I could do that part.

1468
01:26:38,775 --> 01:26:43,144
Listen, you could get me
an audition with him?

1469
01:26:43,513 --> 01:26:45,481
- Oh, sure thing.
- Oh, good.

1470
01:26:45,649 --> 01:26:49,642
I tell you what,
I see you in Bimbi's across the street.

1471
01:26:49,820 --> 01:26:54,154
We run into my boyfriend, Hector,
we tell him you're my agent.

1472
01:26:55,492 --> 01:26:57,289
I see you two skunks later.

1473
01:26:57,461 --> 01:26:58,928
I thought you quit.

1474
01:26:59,096 --> 01:27:01,360
That's show business.

1475
01:27:02,632 --> 01:27:05,328
You really got an uncle
who's in show business?

1476
01:27:06,369 --> 01:27:08,667
Seymour Pippin. He's a producer.

1477
01:27:10,373 --> 01:27:13,433
Forget it, mister. Come on, Tiger.

1478
01:27:14,177 --> 01:27:16,407
CHRIS: I suppose you're wondering
what happened to Bunny.

1479
01:27:16,580 --> 01:27:19,140
Entered her in the
Princess Margaret look-alike contest.

1480
01:27:19,316 --> 01:27:21,284
First prize is a gay guide to Leningrad.

1481
01:27:21,451 --> 01:27:25,444
We also called the 16th Precinct,
they'll be right over for him.

1482
01:27:25,622 --> 01:27:28,648
Hey, listen.
Thanks for helping me tonight.

1483
01:27:28,892 --> 01:27:32,384
Oh, you just let me know the
next time you three are coming in.

1484
01:27:32,562 --> 01:27:34,553
I wanna be sure not to be here.

1485
01:27:34,731 --> 01:27:38,189
If you're ever in Cleveland,
vivian makes a great lasagna.

1486
01:27:38,368 --> 01:27:41,565
That's the best offer I've had all night.

1487
01:27:43,340 --> 01:27:45,467
- Who was he talking about?
- Carmine.

1488
01:27:45,642 --> 01:27:47,303
Oh, you gotta do something
for him.

1489
01:27:47,477 --> 01:27:48,501
Don't worry, I will.

1490
01:27:48,678 --> 01:27:50,839
VIVIAN: Promise me?
- On Papa's grave.

1491
01:27:51,014 --> 01:27:52,345
[SOBBING]
Papa.

1492
01:27:52,516 --> 01:27:54,814
PROCLO:
Not your papa's, mine.

1493
01:27:54,985 --> 01:27:56,213
Oh.

1494
01:28:06,530 --> 01:28:08,623
VIVIAN:
Come on, Guy, let's go.

1495
01:28:14,004 --> 01:28:15,972
Don't tell me what...
Get out of here.

1496
01:28:17,073 --> 01:28:19,769
I wanna know... Look, I got friends...

1497
01:28:20,443 --> 01:28:23,879
I walk in off the street,
a guy pulls a...

1498
01:28:25,949 --> 01:28:26,938
we'll go together.

1499
01:28:27,117 --> 01:28:29,312
Hey, listen, I'm not a gay.
Watch the hair.

1500
01:28:29,486 --> 01:28:33,820
Come on, listen, will you guys?
I got a wife and two kids.

1501
01:28:35,926 --> 01:28:37,416
PROCLO:
Oh, no.

1502
01:28:37,594 --> 01:28:40,654
Viv, I've left my wallet in there.

1503
01:28:56,279 --> 01:29:01,376
CHRIS: Orgy, orgy.
They'll be an orgy in 340.

1504
01:29:14,421 --> 01:29:17,412
THE END

1505
01:29:48,821 --> 01:29:50,712
The.Ritz.1976.DVDRip.XviD-VH-PROD
English HI Subtitles - UF

1506
01:29:55,021 --> 01:29:57,012
The.Ritz.1976.DVDRip.XviD-VH-PROD
English HI Subtitles - UF